Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
She runs the checks, and then leaves the room. A moment later, Amalie comes in. The moment I see her, I start to cry. I cry because I am feeling everything and nothing, all at the same time. I’m so incredibly overwhelmed I can hardly breathe.
I can’t.
She rushes over, and climbs into the bed beside me, wrapping her tiny arms around mine and hugging me tight.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “It’ll all be okay.”
“He killed him,” I whisper between sobs. “He just ... killed him.”
“I know, honey,” she soothes. “I know, but that man was going to kill you.”
I shake my head, and Amalie pulls back, looking down at me. “He shot you, he would have done it again. He was out of his mind. He was willing to do whatever it took to get the money, and eventually, that would have been your life. I know he was your ex-husband, but you don’t know that person anymore. He was a monster, he was unwell, and he was too far gone in debts.”
“Boston killed him.”
Amalie nods. “Yeah, I know.”
“Right there, like it was nothing.”
Amalie exhales and squeezes my hand. “That’s what the club does sometimes, it’s part of their world, I’ve seen things I don’t like. I’ve seen Malakai in states that scared me, too. But, he’d never hurt me. But, sweetheart, they’re a club. They’re bikers. That’s ... part of who they are.”
I hiccup. “I know that, but it isn’t part of who I am. I can’t ... I can never unsee what I saw today. I’ll never look at him the same again.”
Amalie looks sad for me. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Because what else is she supposed to say?
She can accept it. She can accept all of who Malakai is. The good, the bad, the ugly. Because she loves him so deeply.
I can’t accept that.
I can’t accept that side of Boston.
I can’t, and I won’t.
The reality is harsh, and it breaks my heart, because I know he’s so much good. But the moment I saw him beat another man to death, I realized I need all good. Not just a whole heap of it. I need a man that’s kind, and gentle, and strong, and that man isn’t part of a club. And that man isn’t Boston.
My heart breaks.
It literally feels like it’s splitting in two.
Because I do care about him.
And I do want him in my life.
But I realize like it has been obvious all along, that his life, is not the life I want.
It scares me.
And today, he scared me.
I’m not the girl for him.
I’m simply not strong enough.
“Are you okay?” Amalie asks.
I nod, and a tear runs down my cheek, a tear for the man I was falling for, who I suddenly realized is not the man for me. “I guess,” I whisper. “It hurts, Amalie. It hurts, but ... I can’t be with him. I don’t want this life.”
Amalie nods, and squeezes my hand. “And that’s your choice.”
“But I care about him, so much, you know?”
“I know you do, and you can still do that. He adores you. Cassie adores you. They’re your family, but it doesn’t mean you have to be with him.”
“How do you do it?” I ask her, holding her eyes. “How do you look past Malakai’s demons, and just see all the good in him.”
She smiles. “Because he’s the reason I breathe, and the reason I take every single step forward. And sometimes, sometimes I think you have to feel that, to truly accept who they are. Without cause, without judgement, you have to look at them as a whole and just love them for everything they are. And it’s okay if you can’t, it’s okay.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek.
“You need to rest,” she says, hugging me tight again. “I’ll stay here while you do.”
“Amalie ...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me for deciding he’s just not enough?”
She squeezes me again. “Yes, of course, because he’s your family. And family don’t give up on each other.”
I hope she’s right.
I really, really hope she’s right.
~*~*~*~
PENELOPE
“You good?” Malakai asks me, studying my face.
I’m staying with him and Amalie until I’m better, and then I’ll talk to Boston and decide what to do with Cassie. Amalie told me he’s got another carer for her, until I’m better, but other than that, we haven’t spoken. I haven’t wanted to see him. I just ... I just can’t right now. I don’t know what to say, or feel, or do.
I just don’t know anything anymore.
“I will be,” I say, shifting to get in a more comfortable position on their sofa.
“You spoken to Boston?”
I flinch at the sound of his name, and Malakai’s eyes flash.
“No,” I whisper. “And I don’t want to.”
Exhaling, Malakai sits down beside me, and I suddenly feel so tiny in his presence. “Listen, I know what you saw was fucked up. Don’t get me wrong, I know it and I can imagine how it felt. But Boston, he ain’t no monster. He’s been to hell and back in his life, and he was doing anything he could to make sure you kept your life. He took it too far, but fuck, haven’t we all.”