Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“I know tonight has been long, and crappy, but would you mind if I came in?”
She steps aside without hesitation. Chantelle, no doubt, feels the same way about me as I do about her. Neither of us have a problem with the other woman, we’ve just been placed in a situation where our hearts are latching on to the same man, and there is nothing that can be done about that. People can’t help the way they feel.
I walk into Chantelle’s apartment and she closes the door, asking me, “Do you want a drink?”
“Do you have tea?”
She nods and walks into the kitchen and starts preparing two cups of tea. No doubt we’ve both had enough alcohol to last us.
“Listen, Chan, I’m not here to cause problems, I promise you that,” I begin, my voice soft and genuinely concerned for her. “I just wanted to talk to you. Mostly, I just wanted to see if you’re okay.”
She turns and looks at me while she waits for the water to boil. Her eyes aren’t filled with anything that isn’t genuine. She has no problem with me. I can see that before she even opens her mouth. “I have nothing against you, Penny. Nothing at all. I like you, a whole damned lot. I think you’re a great woman, and the amount of times I’ve told myself I understand why he is interested in you, is insane. Because I do understand why. You’re incredible.”
“So are you,” I point out, taking a seat at her kitchen stool.
“I know that,” she nods. “You know,” A smile creeps across her face, but it’s a little sad, “Before Boston, I’ve never, not for a single second, doubted that I’m worth it. I’ve never looked at myself and not seen that I’m incredible and a catch. I’ve never been insecure. The feelings that I’m experiencing now, they’re new to me, and they’re crushing. I don’t like how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like I’m not ... me.”
I smile at her, and it’s warm. “I know what you mean. Well, not about never having felt those things, the funny thing for me is I have felt those things, so many times over, but not so directly. This feels ... it feels like if I fail, that’s it for me, you know? Like I’m not enough for anyone. That really sucks.”
Chantelle passes me a cup of tea, and some cream and sugar. I scoop in what I want, and she does, too.
“The thing is, Penny,” she says, stirring her tea. “We’re both enough. And that’s the problem. It isn’t that one of us is better, or worse, than the other. It’s that we’re both so incredible in our own way. And that, I think, is why this choice is so hard. I’ve thought about it so many times, and Boston, he’s a broken man. He’s had a hard time. With everything that happened with Nerissa, it’s been a long road for him, and I think ... I think sometimes he needs a little of us both.”
For a moment, I say nothing.
Not because what she said isn’t a hundred percent right, but because he told her about Nerissa. He told her, and as far as I know, he’s never told anyone. My chest clenches, and I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate all of this. I’m suddenly very happy I said what I said to Boston tonight. And for the first time, I’m right. This isn’t fair on anyone.
But knowing that he’s confided in Chantelle.
That’s a burning knife to the chest.
“You’re right,” I finally say, stirring my tea for a little too long. “We both have a little of what he needs, and he’s managed to get close to us both and confuse himself. Either way, it isn’t fair for anyone anymore.”
Chantelle shrugs, but she looks defeated. “I’m done, Penny. I meant what I said tonight. I’m worth it. If a man isn’t going to choose me, and me alone, then I mustn’t mean enough to him. While I understand that Boston is confused, I have to protect myself, too. And it hurts. It hurts like hell because ... I think I’m falling in love with him, and that makes this so much more painful.”
My heart aches for her.
I have feelings for Boston, strong ones, but love ... that’s a powerful word.
And I can only imagine how much this sucks.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I wish I didn’t care about him, I wish I didn’t want him, so I could have just stepped back, and this never would have been a problem...”
Chantelle looks to me. “No, no, you don’t ever need to be sorry for this. If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. I had a feeling there was something between the two of you, hell, Saskia even warned me someone was going to get hurt, but my stubborn ass did it anyway.”