Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 131799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
“An honour…” I gasp. “Killing people is not an honour, Ben.”
“Protecting civilians is an honour! ” he snaps, losing control. “I’m a soldier first, Bridget. Not all wars are fought on the front line,” he yells.
Tears fill my eyes. “And this is what soldiers do?” I whisper, shocked at his detachment.
He drops his head. “I do what needs to be done. All soldiers do.”
I stare at the carpet as a clusterfuck of emotions run through my head, but somehow I stay silent.
I have no words. What do you even say to this?
My blood starts to run cold, as if someone has me on an intravenous ice drip. All the warmth and love I felt for him is being slowly frozen in time.
I can feel it as it happens.
It’s fucking breaking my heart. My nostrils flare as I try to control my tears.
“I left you before because I didn’t want to involve you,” he continues. “I didn’t want to have to lie to you every time I got a new assignment.” He drops to the bed beside me. “I didn’t want you to be at home waiting for me, in case I never made it home.” He gently tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.
My vision blurs, and the lump in my throat begins to really hurt.
“I did what I had to do, Bridget. I owed the army—they looked after me.”
What the fuck!
I stand up, filled with outrage. “Bullshit. You owe them nothing!” I cry. “What about what you owe me?” I shake my head, as words fail to explain my feelings. “You absolutely broke my heart five years ago—”
“I broke my own, too,” he interrupts as he stands, sensing that he is losing control.
I push him hard in the chest. “You lied to me in the Sydney airport. Just yesterday, you told me you were going home to tie up loose ends, yet you knew you were coming to Prague to kill someone. What would have happened if you’d gotten yourself killed? I wouldn’t even know about it.”
“Yes, you would. You would be the first to know,” he fires back.
“How the hell would I?” I scream.
“You’re listed as my next of kin.”
I drop to the bed and shake my head. Dear God.
He watches me.
I look up at him. “How deep is your deception, Ben? How can I trust anything that you have ever told me?” I frown as a painful thought runs through my mind. “Is your name even Ben?” I whisper.
“Yes, of course it is,” he says softly as he takes my hand in his. “I just want to start my life with you.” His eyes search mine. “I just want to be a normal person in Sydney with you. I left all this behind.”
My eyes fill with tears because I want to believe him. I so desperately want to believe him.
He shakes his head. “I’ve taken indefinite leave.”
“Why?” I whisper. “Why didn’t you just leave completely?”
“Because if things don’t work out with us…” His voice trails off.
“What?”
“If things done work out with us, then the army is the only home I’ll ever know.”
My heart sinks and my eyes fill with tears. God, what a mess. He thinks the army is his only home.
I drop my head and stare at the carpet again as I swipe my tears away angrily.
This is fucked up.
Suddenly, my exhaustion kicks in. I’ve been worrying myself sick for thirty hours straight. I can’t take any more. I feel overwhelmed and fragile.
I can’t deal with this. I have no idea what to make of any of it.
I want to leave, but I have nowhere to stay and it’s late at night.
I tear back the blankets on the bed and I climb in. “I haven’t slept in thirty-eight hours. I’m hungry and I’m furious with you. I’m leaving in the morning,” I tell him.
“Let me get you some food,” he says softly.
“I don’t want fucking food.”
He stays silent, afraid to speak.
“I’m going to sleep,” I announce.
He smiles softly, as if relieved, and he nods. “Okay, angel.” He comes over to kiss me, but I turn my head.
“Don’t,” I snap.
He grabs my hand and squeezes it, and I close my eyes. “I don’t like you.” I sigh sadly.
“That’s okay, Didge.” He brushes the hair back from my face. “As long as you still love me.”
I move my head away from his hand. “Don’t push your luck, Ben. Those men aren’t the only ones who want to kill you tonight.”
He smirks as he gets up, walks over, and flicks the lock on the door. His eyes find mine across the room. “I’d die happy in your arms.”
I shake my head into my pillow. “Cut it out. If you say one more sweet thing, I will end you.”
He goes to get in the other side of the bed.