Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 131799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
“You should have seen his face.” I sigh sadly. “He was so hurt.”
Tash’s face falls. “Poor Eric. That’s totally shit.” She shakes her head in disgust. “What the hell were you thinking?” she asks.
“Oh, he’ll get over it. He’s probably balls-deep in some hooker right about now,” Abbie replies casually as she blows on her coffee.
“Will you shut up?” Natasha frowns. “You are not helping one little bit.”
Abbie sips her coffee. “You two are so fucking touchy tonight. Take a chill pill.”
I press my head into my hands. “And now I have to go to a stupid work drinks thing and pretend I want to be there, when all I really want to do is see if Eric is all right.”
Abbie frowns. “I’m confused. Who do you actually like?”
Tash nods. “Me, too. Is it Eric or Ben?”
“Oh, God.” I put my head into my hands. “I want to like Eric.” I sip my coffee sadly. “Eric is perfect for me.”
“But you don’t?” Tash asks.
“Ben is such an asshole,” I mutter.
“That wasn’t what I asked,” she continues.
“Who does it for you physically?” Abbie asks. “You know, gives you goose bumps?”
I look at her, deadpan.
“Well, who are you thinking about before you go to sleep?” Tash asks.
I roll my eyes. “That’s the point. I don’t want to be thinking about him.” I sigh sadly. “And he told me last night a little about his past and it has me feeling all vulnerable and needy.”
“What did he tell you?” Tash frowns.
I look around guiltily. “You can’t say anything, because I don’t even think Joshua knows.”
“Promise,” they both say as they lean over the table to listen.
“He had a twin sister and she was murdered when they were twelve, and then his dad committed suicide twelve months later.”
They both gasp.
“His mother enrolled him in the army when he was just fifteen because she was dying of cancer.”
“Oh, God,” Tash whispers.
“Fuck’s sake,” Abbie mutters under her breath.
“You know, I just wanted to spend some time with him, but after he hit Eric today… I honestly don’t want to be around him.”
“Why don’t you want to be around him?” Abbie asks. “Think about it… If you didn’t have Eric on your conscience, would you want to spend time with him?”
I shrug sadly. “But I do have Eric on my conscience.” I sip my coffee. “And however you look at it, Ben is emotionally fucked up. He will probably run in the middle of the night again. I would have to be stupid to go back to him.”
They both nod as they listen. “This is true,” Abbie concedes.
We all sit and drink our coffee in silence as we think.
“You know, Ben has issues. Deep-rooted issues, and I don’t know if he can be fixed. He could be broken forever. Do I really want to be with someone who is broken when I’m twenty-seven years old?” I shrug. “I deserve better than a guy who shows up after five years, demanding I give him a second chance, beating up my boyfriend… regardless of his past.”
The both nod in agreement.
I exhale heavily and put my head into my hands. “Three weeks ago I was happy and slowly falling in love, and now…” My voice trails off.
“You weren’t happy, Didge,” Abbie says. “Eric doesn’t make you happy, he makes you feel safe. There’s a big difference.”
Tears fill my eyes because I know she’s right. I hate myself for letting Eric fall in love with me. I put my head into my hands.
“I reckon you just need to stay away from both of them,” Tash suggests as she rubs my leg sympathetically under the table. “Let the dust settle for a while.”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess.” I sip my coffee. “Why are the wrong guys so appealing?” I sigh.
“Because bad boys are really good in bed. I mean, let’s face it, nice guys do not know how to fuck you raw. They’re too worried about hurting you,” Abbie offers as she holds her coffee cup in the air for a toast. I smile sadly and raise my coffee cup to hers and Natasha’s.
“To bad boys with big bad dicks.” Abbie smiles.
I laugh and shake my head as we clink coffee cups. “Only you, Abbie. Only you.”
It’s 9:00 p.m. and we are at the bar, Amigos. I dragged myself here and I’m feeling so flat. Eric hasn’t answered my calls and Ben has stopped calling.
Abbie’s words keep going over and over in my mind
“Eric doesn’t make you happy, he makes you feel safe. There’s a big difference.”
She’s right. I don’t think I would have ever fallen in love with Eric, as much as I cared for him. I’m sad about it. I’m sad about the fact that I know I’m in love with Ben.
I think I have been since we were together five years ago, and maybe that’s the reason why I can’t move on with anyone else.