Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 80620 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80620 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
My phone rings from inside my purse, which is still slung over my shoulder. I drop it to the counter and fish out my phone. Taking one look at the screen showing an incoming video chat, I hold it outward to Lilly and grin. “It’s Mimi and G-Pa.”
Gone is any trace of fatigue as her blue eyes—so much like Marek’s—brighten. She snags the phone from me and taps on the green button to answer the call.
I step around behind her, bending over her shoulder to peer at the screen. My mom and dad’s faces pop up as they sit close together on their living room couch. Behind them is a cream crocheted blanket my mom made, and a piercing pain of homesickness hits me right in the gut.
“Hey, Lilly Bug,” my father says, his teeth gleaming as he smiles broadly at this granddaughter.
“G-Pa,” Lilly exclaims in response. “Guess what Mommy and I did this morning?”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“We went to a museum and then we went shopping, and I got some new dresses, and I can’t wait for Daddy to come home so I can show him…”
I straighten up and walk around the counter, intent to put the groceries away while Lilly talks to my parents. I find it fascinating how much Lilly has become attached to Marek in the last four weeks since he’s been interacting with her. The fact that she mentioned him to her grandparents while talking about her day, which did not include him, speaks volumes.
“Where’s Daddy at now?” I can hear my mom’s voice from the phone.
“Playing hockey,” Lilly says proudly. He’s actually on an extended road trip to the West Coast and is due back day after tomorrow.
Ever since Joan and Gale brought her to watch Marek play on Sunday, that’s all Lilly talks about. I didn’t realize what a thrill it would be to see her father out on the ice. He’d shown her hockey on TV, but she didn’t quite understand it until she saw it live, and now all she wants to do is go watch another game.
Lilly chatters on about the game, but my mind drifts as I put away the groceries. I love seeing Lilly so animated and enraptured with her new life here. She’s fit in easily, adapting quickly to going to school and forging a relationship with her father.
I wish it were that easy for me, but I’m more confused than ever over my feelings for Marek. I could kick myself a thousand times for ever letting those three words out of my mouth a week ago.
“I love you.”
I should have had better control. I shouldn’t let my body and my heart interconnect. It was impossible to contain myself, the feel of him inside of me all consuming. So big and thick and filling me up so completely, I could barely breathe from the intensity of the moment.
But those three words managed to escape all the same, and I wish I could take them back. Not because I don’t mean them, but because I do mean them. I mean them with all my heart, and it’s too disappointing that Marek doesn’t want to receive them.
Or at least that’s what I’ve taken away from that night a week ago.
For the next five nights until he had to leave for another road trip, Marek made love to me in his bed. Once Lilly was asleep, he’d silently pull me in there and strip me down. Sometimes he’d fuck me furiously, and other times slowly. Marek had no problem letting his body convey whatever emotions he was feeling for me. It’s been intense, the way he silently worships my body, taking me to the greatest of heights night after night. But he doesn’t love me, and I’m careful never to mention those words again.
How can I when I’ve got nothing but doubt swirling around me now?
Doubt about Marek and my place here in his home. Doubt about whether I should even be here in North Carolina, setting myself up for perhaps another heartbreak.
I can never allow myself to forget what caused the rift between Marek and me in the first place. He left me. He decided he didn’t love me anymore. He wanted a life without me. A life with other things that weren’t me.
I’ve been getting subtle reminders of that, and I’d chosen to ignore those things. But because my heart is getting too wrapped up again with him, I’ve got to keep my expectations low.
Marek FaceTimed Lilly just before she went to bed the other night. It was getting late for her here, but we were cuddled on the couch together watching a movie and I didn’t want that moment to end. I know Lilly’s growing up on me, so I take advantage of all the cuddles I can get.