Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“Think that’ll get her back?” Fitz calls after me as I head inside.
I don’t know what it’ll do.
But I know I can’t live without her for long.
Chapter 33
Ash
I feel hollowed out. Like someone took a knife and scooped away everything that makes me a person, leaving only a husk, a dried-out thing in the shape of a girl but without all the important bits.
Cold and broken. Shadow-puppet.
“I’m going to be honest,” Bernie says over a glass of wine. “I didn’t expect this. I’m aware that’s a massive understatement.”
“Imagine how I feel.” I lean back on her couch, deep into my third glass. I should probably stop, but hell, drinking is the only thing that’s numbing my pain. It’s definitely not healthy. Right now though, I don’t care about anything except for shutting down my brain.
Thinking, planning. Mourning. That all comes tomorrow.
Bernie sighs. “I mean, he’s obviously nuts. Like, the way he looks at you is borderline terrifying. Kind of hot, but scary as hell too.”
“I’m aware.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I love that look. That’s sick, right? Even now, I still love it.”
Which doesn’t say much for my sanity.
“Maybe a little sick, but also understandable. I think I’d get pregnant instantly if he ever leveled that look on me.”
“I don’t really want to talk about how hot Carson is right now, Bern. He used me for years.”
She makes a sound in her throat. “He didn’t use you so much as, I don’t know, shower you in money and make sure you’re safe and financially comfortable without ever asking for anything in return. Although honestly, I wish he would’ve been a little more upfront about it since that would’ve saved us a whole shit ton of stress.”
I glare at her. “How the fuck can you say that right now?”
“What? I’m just saying.” She takes a long drink. “Skip the bullshit cloak and dagger stuff and cut a girl a check.” I throw a pillow at her, which she artfully dodges. “Look, I know he sort of lied to you, but think about what he did. That man respected your wishes for ten years, despite being certifiably insane over you, and he only broke that silence because your whole family was in serious trouble. I honestly can’t believe I’m saying all this, but here we are.”
“Carson’s sick. He stalked me for ten years. You can wrap it up however you want, call it whatever you want, but it was still stalking. I feel violated, and the worst part is, everyone knew it. Everyone in his family, anyway. The first thing my brother said to me after waking up from a freaking coma was don’t get involved with Carson. That’s the first thing he said! And here I am, married to the guy.”
“You didn’t know,” Bernie says, putting an arm around me.
I lean my head on her shoulder. “Does that help? I mean, I knew something was off. People kept making comments, and heck, he even admitted that he’s obsessed with me. I thought it was hot and I was flattered, like I’m special or something, but now looking back I can see how pathetic it all really was.”
Bernie shifts slightly, kissing my hair. “You’re not pathetic.”
“But I am. I’ve been saying for years that I have some special guardian angel because things just kept working out for me, and instead of wondering why that might be happening, I accepted it at face value. I thought I was just lucky, or I worked really hard and earned everything, or a million other rationalizations. Instead, it’s been Carson this whole time.”
“I can understand why you feel that way, but seriously Ash, you’re not pathetic at all. Nobody ever would’ve guessed that some random, rich gangster was taking care of them from afar. I mean, it’s total insanity, right? He’s been stalking you without stalking you for a decade.”
“I just feel used. That’s all.”
“I don’t want to be the devil’s advocate here, I really don’t, only it’s just that, I believe he never planned on getting involved with you, that he wanted to help you and make your life easier for you and only you, without ever getting anything in return. And that’s almost… sweet of him?”
“Until suddenly an opportunity arose.” I shake my head, standing. I can’t believe Bernie’s seriously trying to defend him right now. “He’s crazy, Bern. Crazy and manipulative. He played the long game and almost won. I married him!”
“Without a prenup,” she points out. “He knew he had to tell you sooner or later, right? If he’s as smart as you seem to think he is, and I tend to agree, then he knew what he was doing when he didn’t lock you down. He wanted to give you a choice. You could take him to court and make him bleed if you wanted to, and he knew that was a serious possibility from the start.”