Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 131459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
“Oh my God,” she snapped. “It’s totally not about him.”
“Some men live their entire lives thinking everything is totally about them. My father is one of those men.”
She made a face that said Gross.
That made me laugh, and I assured, “It’s okay. Cadence is great. My mom died too young, but they had time together. They were close. My girl had a lot of her before she was gone. And I learned early that I didn’t need anyone’s approval. Only one person on this earth had to love what I did, and that’s me.”
“That’s you,” she whispered.
“Yes. Only me.”
“Wow,” she said quietly.
“You’re going to walk right into where you need to be, Sasha,” I told her. “I promise, honey. It happened early for me. Cadence is graduating, and I worry about her, because she hasn’t found her joy either, but I know she’ll find it when it’s time, when she trips over it as life’s path leads her around randomly. You will too.”
“Chloe was like, always, you know…Chloe,” she said.
“This doesn’t surprise me,” I replied.
“And Matt has always been his own entity. He’s like an island. Only people invited get to come there. And when he’s done with you, he kicks you off for a while. It’s not ugly. It’s just him. He retreats into himself, and you have to wait until he’s ready to let you back in. Do you know what I mean?”
I wasn’t sure.
Though, it sounded like what Imogen was doing…and it could explain why Matt cut his father out of his life for so long.
Thus, I nodded.
“I always wanted to be that way,” she said, like she was talking to herself.
I gave her time.
She took a bit of it and came back to me.
“Mom and Dad split, and I was…you know, I was his. Dad’s. We moved to Phoenix, and I was still in high school, and everything got messed up for me. And I was kinda mad, because Mom wanted to move, and Dad didn’t, and I didn’t either. Then they split, and I was mad because, why the move before if they’re gonna end things? But I was mad at Mom, and I thought I should be mad at Dad because…because…” She trailed off, appearing horrified.
“I know all about it,” I said softly.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I was supposed to be mad at him. And I wasn’t. And I felt, you know, like, bad because I didn’t completely take Mom’s back. Like Matt did. I’m a woman. I should have done that, right?”
“In this instance, you were their child. Both their child. And you are yourself. And what you feel and how you process what happened between your parents is yours, and only yours. There are no ‘shoulds’ here, Sasha. I can’t say that strongly enough. You aren’t supposed to feel anything but what you actually feel.”
She stared at me, and I was a woman, I was a mother, I’d just heard all she said.
And I still wasn’t ready for it.
But it came abruptly, gushing from her in wailing floods.
She dissolved into sobs so fierce, I had to set aside my glass, and take hers, get on the loveseat with her and pull her into my arms.
“Nobody…n-n-nobody gave me permission to feel,” she sobbed into my neck.
“Oh, honey,” I murmured, holding her close and rocking her.
“I know I should have just d-done it, b-but I didn’t know how,” she continued.
“It’s confusing. Of course you didn’t,” I soothed.
“I th-thought being Dad’s, b-b-being like Dad would make Mom hurt. So I s-stopped b-b-being like Dad.”
Oh, this sweet beauty.
“I get it.”
“I miss volleyball,” she wailed.
“Okay, sweetheart.”
“I miss Dad…and Mom.”
“Okay.”
“I’m m-m-messed up. Chloe and Matt aren’t messed up.”
“It’s theirs to share, and not mine, but your father has told me some things, and you’re wrong about that.”
She pulled away and really…
The young.
She looked gorgeous with a tear-stained face and brilliantly flashing eyes.
“Really?” she asked.
I nodded.
“I want to be a nutritionist,” she announced.
“That sounds good.”
“Not just sports nutrition. Or weight loss, ’cuz I have issues with that, and how people profit off it. Or any of that kind of thing. You know, diets can help manage disease, and not just normal stuff, like eating right. They’ve used the ketogenic diet for years as a kind of last-ditch effort to assist in seizure control of uncontrolled epileptics.”
“Whoa. I didn’t know that.”
She nodded and swiped at her face. “Is it too late? I mean, I’m twenty-one. I’ll be like, old if I go to college.”
I smiled big at her and said, “Sasha, darling girl, people go to college at any age. I’ve known seventy-year-olds who got their law degrees. You are far from old.”
“So that sounded stupid, huh?”
Okay.
Enough.
I grabbed her wrists and held strong. “Nothing is stupid. Be yourself. Have your worries. Ask your questions. Share your thoughts. None of it is stupid. Not a single human being on this planet knows everything. But not a single human being learned anything without questioning, then finding the answer.”