Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
“Does that mean you’re going to talk to her and apologize?”
“I’m going to try. And I’m going to see about getting someone for you and me to talk to.”
“To talk about what?” She tips her head.
“About our feelings. About the things that scare us and make us happy. Whatever we need to talk about.”
“Okay. I can talk about my feelings. I have a lot of them,” Peyton says seriously.
“I know you do. And so do I, but I’m not always the best at expressing them.”
“It just takes some practice.”
“It does.” I hold my arms open. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
I follow her to the kitchen, where I find my mom and Karen sitting at the table with cups of tea.
I tuck a hand in my pocket. “Hey. I guess you got my message.”
Karen folds her hands on the table, her smile a little uncertain. “I called the house, and Judith and I had a chat. I thought it might be a good idea for me to come out this way.”
My mom gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and pushes her chair away from the table. “Peyton, you and I are going to go pick up some stuff for dinner, okay? Why don’t you put your coat on and I’ll meet you at the front door?”
“Okay!” Peyton hobbles down the hall, blissfully oblivious to the tension.
My mother gives my forearm a squeeze on her way past me. “We’ll give you two some time to talk.”
I slide into the empty seat across from Karen, who repeatedly dips her tea bag into her mug. It looks like I’m not the only nervous one here. She waits until the front door closes with a quiet click before she speaks. “Judith told me about you and Harley. I’m very sorry.”
“Are you?” I lean back in my chair, trying to read her expression.
She sighs and focuses on the table for a moment before she finally raises her head again and meets my gaze. “Judith told me what’s been going on with Peyton, and how hard this has been for you. And I realized that I haven’t been fair to Harley, or you and Peyton.”
“No, you haven’t,” I agree. “And I’m trying to understand why.”
She swallows thickly. “It was hard for me when you decided to move back to Colorado Springs, and I worried about how that was going to affect my relationship with Peyton. In a way, I felt a lot like I’d been able to take on the role of mother for Peyton, and then suddenly you were gone. It was like losing Marcie all over again. And then you started seeing Harley soon after you moved back. It was a lot of change that I wasn’t prepared for, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
“You saw Harley as a threat to your role.”
She folds her tissue into a square. “Peyton loves her so much. I felt like I’d been replaced. And I realize that’s not her fault, but it’s how I felt.”
Karen has spent more than half a decade in the role of pseudo-parent, and I took it all away from her. I reach across the table and give her hand a squeeze. “Karen, I can understand better why this has been so difficult for you, but you’re Peyton’s grandmother. I don’t know that it was fair to any of us, and especially not you, to let you take on a parent role in her life.”
Karen nods, her smile sad. “At the time it seemed like what I needed, and you needed support. But now, I realize I haven’t properly dealt with Marcie’s death. So instead of handling it, I tried to mask the loss by taking care of Peyton.”
“I get that it’s been hard, Karen, but I deserve a partner. I don’t want to go through life alone.”
“I know, and I agree. And I’m aware I’ve made this harder on all of us with the way I’ve managed things, especially where Harley is concerned,” she admits.
“Harley is an amazing woman, and I think if you’d give her half a chance, you might find you really like her. She’s kind and caring and compassionate.”
“I know she’s all those things. It felt like I was betraying Marcie’s memory if I let someone else who isn’t my daughter into my life. I keep going over that day in my head. She’d called the night before and asked me to come down, and I said I couldn’t be there until the weekend.” She shakes her head. “If I’d canceled my lunch plans, I might have been there…” She covers her mouth with her hand and turns her head to the side.
This isn’t something I’ve heard before. And I see with fresh eyes and perspective how all of us have our baggage to contend with when it comes to that loss. “It wasn’t your fault.”