Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
“Instead, they seem to get worse, don’t they? We keep saying, ‘Good work, Edgar, almost there! Maybe next time!’ But he’s probably having a big chuckle as we root him on. ‘Ha-ha-ha! They keep decorating with those horrible doilies. What idiots!’ Seriously, you guys, it has to be a joke. And honestly, they just aren’t right, these doilies. People are concerned about clowns, Jessie is worried about the killer dolls, but I honestly think a vampire who makes lopsided doilies is the real trouble spot in this situation. They look like something a fun-house mirror threw up.”
The room fell silent, all eyes on him. Niamh leaned against the frame of the door, her expression unreadable.
“Wow,” Ulric said, pausing at the foot of the stairs with his hand on the banister.
“I apologize,” Sebastian said quickly. “I know that sounds harsh. I’m just wound up, I guess.”
“You’re definitely starting to fit in.” Hollace shook his head sadly.
Niamh held up a finger. “Are ye telling me that ye’ve been encouragin’ him to do better at the doilies?”
Sebastian stilled, which was saying something, because he’d already been pretty still. “Um…I thought we were supposed to be supportive of our team members?”
Ulric burst out laughing. Hollace kept shaking his head.
“First,” Niamh said, “I don’t know how ye got it inta’yer head that we hold hands and pat backs while singing ‘Kumbaya’ and braiding each other’s arse hair—”
“Well, I didn’t necessarily mean—“
“—but this ain’t that kinda outfit. Second, ye don’t want’ta be encouragin’ Edgar to do anything but keep asking to be retired. Maybe then Jessie will pity the poor wee lad and finally give in. He is Froot Loops, that vampire, and he gets worse all the time. Just pretend he isn’t creeping around and hope he’s there when ye need him. That’s all ye can do with Edgar.”
“But you take his doilies,” Ulric said, unfreezing from his location and moving so Jasper could finish his descent.
“Yeah. It keeps Earl outta me house. He can’t stand me, and he can’t stand those doilies. If he does have to come in, the sight of them helps put him right back out.”
Ulric’s lips turned down, and he nodded thoughtfully. “Smart. Your sandwiches are the trifecta, huh?”
Niamh’s brows pinched together. “What about me sandwiches?”
Ulric’s expression cleared. “I meant… I just meant…”
“They are dry,” Mr. Tom said, coming down the stairs. “Beyond dry. They are like eating sand. No vegetables of any kind, no mayonnaise—butter isn’t enough to support one piece of ham and a bit of cheese. You don’t even cut them!”
“Do ye want me to hand-feed ye as well, ya miserable goat?” Niamh replied.
“And then there is that wretched tea to wash it down with,” he continued. “Do you ration your sugar? There is never enough. I’m surprised you’re not using a fork in the sugar bowl to keep people from using too much.”
“Well, if ye wouldn’t take—”
“Okay, okay, let’s all just calm down a bit,” Jessie said as she made an appearance at the top of the stairs. “Her sandwiches aren’t that dry. And I had plenty of sugar the last time I was there.”
“See—what do ye mean, not that dry?” Niamh asked, suddenly suspicious. “Do none of yis know what a good sandwich should taste like?”
“Really?” Mr. Tom thrust his hand toward the sitting room doorway. “Were you born in a barn, woman? We don’t just throw things on the ground like the world is our own personal trash can.”
“I’m helping you,” she said. “I figured you needed something to keep you busy while she spends hour upon hour shagging Austin Steele.”
“Oh my God,” Jessie said on a release of breath. “Would you guys just let it go? It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“Wasn’t that big of a deal?” Ulric’s eyes widened. Everyone’s focus zoomed to Jessie. “How often does he pull all-nighters? Anyone been keeping track?”
“What am I missing?” Sebastian asked.
Niamh filled him in, much to Jessie’s obvious dismay. He couldn’t help laughing at her crimson cheeks and look of utter bewilderment.
“Seriously, let it go. We’re newly mated,” Jessie said. “These things are normal for shifters.”
“They most definitely are not normal for shifters, no,” Niamh said with a sparkle in her eyes. “Austin Steele has been making light of things. Ye ask any shifter at the bar, and he or she’ll be just as impressed as Ulric and the lads are.”
“I am not going to ask—”
“Don’t worry.” Niamh put up her hand while momentarily bowing her head. “I’ll ask fer ya.”
“You’re not impressed?” Ulric asked Niamh as they all waited for Mr. Tom to clean up the mess she’d left on the floor.
“Not a hope.” Niamh walked to the door. “I do not have the patience for that sort of thing. Maybe when I was young and bored and wanted to experiment, but now, I’d rather watch a little telly and call it a night. A couple pumps, a little holler, and that’ll do me.”