Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 79670 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79670 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
I lean forward again, grabbing another shot. This time, the burning is less intense than the last one. I stare at the bottle, my head going around and around as I try not to think about that one night. The one night that broke us. The one night seems to be seared into my brain, no matter how many times I tell myself to forget it. I hear the car door as I pour another shot; it’s like my brain knew he would come here, but my heart didn’t want to hope. I know who I am, and I know what I deserve. I also know Romeo Beckett doesn’t deserve me.
The ticking of the clock on the wall gets louder and louder until the doorbell rings. I close my eyes for a minute, fighting with myself. Don’t answer, and he’ll go away, while the other part of me knows this is it, and she’s pissed.
Luckily for me, the pissed one is the one who makes my legs move before my brain can catch up. I swing open the door and see him standing there with his hands on the doorjamb, leaning forward with his head hanging. “What do you want?” I shout, now with the tequila running through me. He looks up at me, but in the darkness, you can’t see the green in his eyes. In the darkness, you can’t see that little fleck of dark green in the bottom of his left eye. A lump forms in my throat, but I know that whatever this is, it ends tonight. “I’m over this shit.” My voice goes louder and louder. “So fucking over your shit.” I point at him, and all he does is look at me. “You came here. God knows for what, but you did.” My heart pounds so hard and so fast in my chest I feel like I’ve run a marathon, but the adrenaline pours through me. “I had dinner with you.” My voice feels like it’s going to tremble. “It’s time for you to go back to the rock you’ve been hiding under for the past eight months.” I swallow the lump when I think that this is going to be the last night I see him. Tonight, it ends, and it ends for good.
I turn around and walk back into the house. I know he’ll follow me, but I don’t want my neighbors to hear us fighting on my front lawn. I mean, is this even an argument? I walk back to the couch, pouring myself a shot of tequila, hoping he doesn’t see my hands shaking. I take the shot and then look up, seeing him standing there, and now with the light on, just a bit, I see his eyes. I see the anguish he has in them. He stands there, not sure what to say. “What else do you want from me?” I ask, trying to be so fucking strong. I will not show him how he broke me. I will not show him how broken I am. “I keep going around and around things in my head, trying to think about what it is you want from me, and I don’t have the answer for the life of me.”
“Gabriella,” he says. I hear the plea in his voice, but he doesn’t get to be the good guy. He doesn’t get to say anything.
“You want this?” I finally say. “Fine, let’s do this.” I shrug my shoulder, and the only thing I can hope for is that I’m strong enough not to break down in front of him.
“Imagine my surprise, if you will.” I laugh bitterly at the irony of all of this. “Coming home early to surprise you.” I shake my head, but the memory of that night isn’t going away, not tonight, not now. I hope after everything is said and done, we can both move on from this. I pour another shot, this time hoping it numbs me. Hoping with this shot it won’t let it hurt as much as it does. Even after all these months, the pain is just as much as it was that night.
“I miss you so much,” I mock him and his words, and I can see the hands at his sides form into fists. “It’s not the same without you. When are you coming home?” I chuckle before my head hangs forward, and my eyes start to sting, but I will not show him this. He doesn’t get this. He says nothing because what can he say. “I rushed to get on that plane, knowing I would land close to midnight, but it was going to be a nice surprise.” I look him dead in the eye. “Letting myself in quietly because there were no lights on, so I thought you would be sleeping.” I see it in my head. I tiptoed in, trying not to make a sound. Putting the bag of treats I got him right on the table in the hallway. “Making sure I didn’t make a sound. I made it to the steps before I heard something coming from the living room.” I want to pour another shot but I also know that my hands will shake so much there is no way anything would get into the glass. “Can you imagine what I saw?” I pick up the bottle, just bringing it to my lips because there is no way I can go on without it. My heart is breaking in the middle of my chest, and it surprises me because it’s already been shattered. “Oh, you missed me all right.”