Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
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Chapter 9
I could hear the party going on outside, the laughter and gaiety while one so young suffered just feet away.
Life is strange as fuck, some people can be suffering while others have no clue and are just going along with their daily life as usual.
I wanted to go down there and yell at them to get the fuck gone, which was stupid, none of those people had anything to do with what had happened to her, what I was really pissed about was the fact that I couldn't act yet, I wanted to be up and moving, but I needed to be holding her more.
This changed things, I couldn't just fall on her like I'd been about to, she was obviously still hurt, still healing, I'd have to watch, to gauge where she was in her head, one thing was for sure, she wasn't staying in that fucking shell a minute longer, why should she hide who she was because those fucks were cowardly assholes, she hadn't done anything wrong, as far as I can see they'd taken more than enough from her already.
'Angel, can I ask you something?"
She nodded her head against my neck.
"How do you feel, I need to know so I know what to do for you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean right now, where are you with this, are you scared, angry, hurt, what...I want to know where your heart and mind is."
"I'm not sure, I've been all those things...no one else asked me that, I guess everyone just assumed they knew how I should be feeling, but you're the first one to ask me that.
It feels good that you asked, it's making me think right now..."
"And what do you feel baby?"
She took a minute while she moved around a bit until she was finally sitting up next to me.
Her eyes were red from crying but even that didn't take away from their beauty. I reached up with my palm and held her cheek, when she rubbed her face against my hand like a baby fawn she stole the fucking heart right out of me.
I dropped my hand still warm from her skin,as she sat up straighter.
"I'm mostly angry, at them, at me, at Donna.
Then I feel guilty for being angry at her because she's dead, and then I feel guilty that I'm here and she's not, but I tried to warn her.
This guy was older, in college, the things she said that he was saying to her made me uncomfortable, it's like I could see through his bull shit but she couldn't.
If only she'd listened to me, none of this would've happened, but it's stupid to stay angry at her because she's gone, my best friend is gone and I couldn't do anything about it.
I hate myself for standing there like a scared little rabbit while they brutalized her."
"But you were able to fight them off."
"What des that say about me, why didn't I use some of that to help her?"
"Do you take fighting lessons, are you trained in any of the arts?"
"No, I just knew what my dad taught me over the years, it just kicked in I guess, but while they were up those stairs and she was screaming for me, I couldn't move, I was too afraid."
"Clear and imminent danger, your survival instinct kicked in, no one knows why the body reacts the way it does to fear, or why some people can accomplish the impossible in certain situations, all I can tell you Angel is that you were meant to survive, that's why you're here and you shouldn't feel any guilt for that. What else?"
"I don't know, sometimes I laugh and I'd hear myself laugh and get sad, it feels wrong to laugh, like I should remember that night for the rest of my life and never laugh or be happy again."
"So why don't you kill yourself if you don't want to live?"
She looked at me in horror but I wasn't taking that shit back, obviously no one had talked to this girl about this shit or if they had they'd done a piss poor job of it.
I wasn't going to join that line of fuck ups, she needed a hard wake up call before one day she ended up slitting her wrist or some shit, this thinking of hers was all fucked up, she wouldn't heal like that, only get worst as time went on.
"Why would you say something like that, that's,...that's cruel."
"No Angel, what you're doing to yourself is cruel, you begrudge yourself happiness, you walk around trying to look like and be someone else, laughter is out, fun of any kind is out..."
"Well I'm here aren't I?"
"I'm sure Elena didn't give you a choice, I know my mother, you didn't come because you wanted to as much as you were obeying an order, you've turned yourself into a robot, no human emotion..."