Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 259(@200wpm)___ 207(@250wpm)___ 173(@300wpm)
“That information,” Adam adds, “along with a conversation with Kurt, tells us, he’s on our side.”
I draw in a breath and Luke’s hand settles on my shoulder, a silent offering of support, his way of telling me that whatever comes next, is my call. There is a pinch in my chest at the idea of Kurt being legit, a good guy, the man who I saw as my father, rather than a liar, who hid his death to hide an array of crimes. But I don’t let myself fully experience those emotions threatening to surface. Not yet. I need to know how to use them, I need to know which ones are allowed to be real, and which ones are the little girl inside me who just wants the man she once called father.
I step forward and move to the end of the island.
When I’m standing directly across from Kurt, I just look at him.
I still can’t believe he’s alive. I’m not sure if I want to hug him or shoot him. He arches a brow, which I assume means I’ve been staring for quite a long while, which I’d defiantly continue, but we don’t have time for emotional drama and power plays. I jerk my gaze from his and drag the MacBook closer. I start scanning communications between Kurt, Kasey, and other people, who are just numbers, not names.
At some point, Luke joins me and sets a stool behind me. I climb on top and keep reading. A few minutes later, a cup of coffee appears and Luke is beside me again. I guess he left and returned. A glance around and it seems Savage and Adam are now at the kitchen table behind me. I’ve been too busy reading and swimming in a pool of my own emotions to notice. I glance at Luke, this man I love and lost, only to find again, and then across to find Kurt who is now leaning on the counter behind the island, a cup in hand. He always loved his coffee. Every morning as a kid I remember him in the kitchen with his cup, steam pouring from the top. Part of being an adult and a badass was drinking coffee.
For all his faults, Kurt was always present, always demanding more of me, and as I force my gaze back to my reading material, I land on a text exchange between him and Kasey.
Kurt: Son, enough. You’re going to end up dead.
Kasey: Let me deal with me, Kurt. Fuck off already.
Kurt: What about your sister, Kasey?
Kasey: She’s an FBI agent. She loves to tell me that. She can handle herself.
That statement pinches. I never, ever said “I’m an FBI agent” to Kasey to be better than him. I don’t even remember saying that to him at all. I swallow hard and keep reading, with Kurt’s reply: She can’t stop a knife coming at her back if she doesn’t even know there’s a backstabber in the room.
Kasey: You calling me a backstabber?
Kurt: They told me they’d kill her if I quit, Kasey. If the fucking shoe fits, it fits.
Kasey: Fuck you, Kurt.
Kurt: You really don’t want to keep saying that to me, Kasey. I’ve about hit my limit.
Kasey: You’re all about limits, Kurt. That’s why you’re teaching. Teachers teach because they can’t do.
You’re about to find out just what I can do. You’ve been warned.
Kasey: Fuck off, Kurt.
Luke’s fingers flex on my knee and I glance over at him, the look on his face telling me he’s read what I’ve read. And he’s as conflicted as I am right now. He reaches up and strokes my hair from my eyes. “There’s no crying in baseball.”
It’s a quote from an old movie, A League of Their Own, and I know this man so well, that I know exactly what he’s telling me. We don’t always like how the game plays out, but there is no such thing as quitting. The problem is, I still don’t know if Kurt quit on me.
I shut the laptop and stand up, stepping center to the island in front of Luke. “You should have told me you were alive, you asshole. You didn’t even have to tell me what was going on.”
Kurt is now at the island, his eyes lit in anger. “Get over it, Ana. I did what I felt like I had to do to protect you. What is it that I've always told you? You make the decision you think is right to save lives, and you accept the consequences after the fact and tuck them away without self-blame because they can’t be changed.”
“Only I’m not the one who made the decision. You did. And now I have to live with it.”
“We both have to live with it.”
“Kasey is dead. Maybe—”
“I get it, Ana. You want me to feel guilty. You want me to be destroyed by his death, and by your grief, but I’m not going to do either of those things. I believe I saved your life. And we’ve had enough discussions over Kasey. He might as well have pulled the trigger himself. Stop blaming me and Luke for what that little shit did to all of us.”