Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“So what’s up?” I ask her curiously, and I note with genuine interest in myself that I actually feel quite comfortable sitting here with her. Making baby steps, I think.
I can see a flash of disappointment on her face that perhaps I’d engage with some girly gossip about how things are going with Lucas, but then she puts on a happy smile. “I think we should take your idea to put kids and the elderly together for a test spin.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “How?”
“I was talking to Annabelle’s preschool teacher about your idea and she loved it. One thing led to another, and she said they could easily turn that into a field trip. Then I called the activities director at Sweetbrier and she also loved the idea and was willing to host Annabelle’s class for a visit.”
My breath hitches but I force it out with an, “Oh, wow.”
Jules nods excitedly. “So can I tell them you’re in? I’ll put you in touch with both of them.”
“Whoa,” I say with my hands up and a nervous laugh. “This is moving fast and I don’t know if I can handle it right now.”
Jules tilts her head. “I’ll be glad to help.”
“I don’t know,” I say dubiously, my mind racing as to whether I can take this on given the fact my life is a little topsy-turvy right now.
“Oh, I won’t take credit for it,” Jules hastens to reassure me. “I’ll be in the background.”
I roll my eyes at her. “No, that’s not it, and if I did it, I’d totally want your help if you’re willing. It’s just…”
It’s just what?
The words won’t come out and I have no clue why I’m hesitating.
“What are you afraid of?” Jules asks me softly, and my eyes shoot to hers.
“I’m not afraid,” I say tersely, because I’m not afraid of fucking anything except perhaps intimacy and love. Then I completely cringe at my own tone because it sounds so bitchy. I soften my voice and smile at her sheepishly. “Sorry…I like to pride myself on my bravery, so any suggestion I’m afraid causes my hackles to go up. Which is odd, because I’ve been nothing but afraid since Luc knocked me up.”
Jules chuckles. “He’s pushing you out of your comfort zone, huh?”
“Way out,” I admit, and then risk a sip of tea. When I set the cup back down, I also admit, “But I’m dealing, and it’s not all so bad.”
“Why are you hesitant about this idea of a field trip for Annabelle’s class?”
I blow back my bangs with a deep exhale. Circling my finger around my teacup, I admit to her, “It’s just…things are so crazy right now. I’m on the verge of losing my job, potentially moving to another city if I can’t find another job. I’m pregnant, which is still freaking me out, and well…there’s Luc.”
“All that stuff is a piece of cake,” Jules returns dryly with a wave of her hand. “With the exception of Lucas.”
She grins at me and I have to admit…that’s funny, so I smile back.
“It’s just,” I start, then stop, remembering I don’t share.
“It’s just what?” Jules pushes at me. “Spill it and get it off your chest. You’ll feel so much better for it.”
“Fine,” I say with another sigh—this one of defeat—and I let it out in a frenzied rush before I chicken out. “I don’t know what’s going on with Luc and me and I’m scared, and well…my life has turned around a hundred and eighty degrees in the last few weeks and I sometimes feel like I’m on quicksand. Sometimes Luc makes me feel like I’m sinking faster, and sometimes I feel like he’s pulling me out, and I’m so confused. But what’s weird is I think I want more, and I think he does too, but I’m not sure because we don’t really talk about those types of things, and the reason we don’t is because I think he’s being deferential to my feelings because he knows how fucked up I am in the head so he tries to protect me, you know? And I am rambling on like an absolute maniac, but, well…you asked for it.”
Jules eyes are dancing with humor as she looks across the table at me. “I don’t get it. Lucas is a phenomenal catch. He’s totally into you and it’s so obvious.”
I don’t respond, holding my silence. For her to understand my hesitancy, she’d have to know a lot more about me, and I’ve only ever shared that with Lucas. I like Jules a hell of a lot. Probably more than any other woman I’ve been casual friends with, except for maybe Simone, who is a hoot to be around. Can I open myself up to someone else?
On the other hand, if I don’t answer her question, I look like a total bitch, and I don’t want to be that. Jules is going to marry Max and become Lucas’s sister-in-law, and in turn, become our baby’s aunt. She’ll be in my life as well, and I don’t want to have stilted relationships with these people.