Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 55093 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55093 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
I didn’t call her because I wasn’t quite ready to hear her voice yet this morning. Not until I’d had time to deal with whatever the hell was wrong with me. I did have second thoughts about doing things this way; it felt too much like running away. Something I’m not known for. But until I made sense of this, of that one moment in time when I felt a small glimmer of hope, and the disappointment that followed when she said that we should be safe, I have to distance myself.
Once in Arizona I threw myself into work. It’s what I do best, what I’ve always loved most, and this time was no different. I worked myself into the ground, as thoughts of her chased me throughout the day. I could taste her still on my tongue, and her scent seemed permanently etched on my senses.
I suspected that I knew just what was going on, had known it since the third or fourth time I’d seen her in my office. But I wasn’t ready, hadn’t felt even remotely ready to settle down with anyone. It wasn’t the settling down part that had me running scared, and yes, I admit that that’s exactly what I’m doing. It was the emotion, the raw feelings she invoked in me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a marriage based on love. In fact I’ve always found talks of love and happily ever after laughable.
So why was I now feeling that I had fallen into that trap? I’d always planned to one day settle down with some beautiful woman, have a few kids, but keep my heart safely out of it. I’ve seen what ‘love’ can do to people. My mother had loved my sperm donor her whole life. Even after he’d left her pregnant and penniless when she was more than a mere child herself.
I’d watched her over the years pine away for a man who’d done nothing but hurt her with empty promises time and again. I vowed at a very young age that I would never put myself in that position. Would never give anyone that kind of control over me. And what’s more, never be the one to put another through such pain and sorrow.
I’d entertained the idea of keeping Emily in my life because of her connections I admit, but that was because of what I thought was just an attraction to her. This did not feel like a mere attraction. Even now, miles away, when I was trying to put her out of my mind, she’s all I can think about.
EMILY
“He’s gone.”
“What? Who’s gone where?”
“Storm, look.” I held out my phone for her to read. I’d awakened this morning after the best night’s sleep since my dad died with lots of questions milling around in my head.
Last night had been… I still have no words to describe the tumultuous evening we’d shared. I was a lot more confused by my own actions than his, not least of all the fact that I hadn’t freaked when he came inside me. I knew I was safe; I’ve always been regular so there was no worry there. But I couldn’t explain the look on his face when I told him, or the slight pang of regret I felt. If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought he felt the same if only for a fleeting moment in time.
He couldn’t have been disappointed, why would he be? I’m sure I misunderstood that look that had flashed across his face. Sure the evening hadn’t ended on the warmest note, but I was so accustomed to his cool reserve that I hadn’t thought too much of it. I’d gotten carried away whenever he put his hands on me, but so what? I know many people who have done worse on first acquaintance. And though I don’t live my life that way, I wasn’t such a prude that I can’t admit that I liked everything he did to me.
So I’d slept and dreamt of him, spinning fanciful dreams of what-ifs in my head, only to awaken to his terse text. Simone was here bright and early hounding me for information about the night, before I had a chance to put things in perspective. There were so many firsts to tackle and dissect that I hardly knew where to begin. Add the fact that I was still reeling from all the newly awakened feelings and I was quite frankly a mess. And now this.
“Okay, tell me exactly what happened between you two last night.” I swallowed hard and looked from her to the phone. “What difference does it make? He’s gone and from the sounds of it, I guess whatever agreement we had is over.” Did my willingness to let him do whatever he wanted turn him off? The one time I let myself go with a man and this happens.