Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 80074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 400(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Did my downfall begin?
Who would I forget first? Please, God, don’t let it be Harley or Bailey...
I shook off the plaguing thoughts, stating, “It’s time to face my demons.”
“Alright.” Harley nodded, kissing all over my face. “I’m ready when you are.”
I took a long, deep, reassuring breath.
Just breathe, Jackson. Just remember to breathe.
“I need you to know something.” She kissed my lips. “You have all my firsts that matter, and you will have all my lasts. Do you understand me?”
I nodded, jaw clenched.
“I love you. I’ve always loved you. Even when I was hatin’ you.”
I nodded again, jaw still clenched.
She grabbed ahold of my face. “We didn’t come this far to only come this far.”
Scoffing out a nervous chuckle, I rasped, “You hyping me up, Harley?”
“No. I’m telling our truths. Ya feel me?”
“I feel ya.”
“Good.” She kissed me one last time before scooting off my lap and sitting next to me. Gazing down at the envelope, she mirrored my stare.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
With my hands shaking, I opened the package. A Post-It on a flash drive caught my attention that read play me first.
“What’s this?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “The day she gave me the Harley pin with a sunflower on it was the same day she gave me this envelope. The only thing she told me was this held your results, and to give it to you when I thought you were ready. She didn’t mention what else was in there, and I never asked or looked.”
“She knew I would notice you wearing that pin.”
“I wonder if she thought it would lead us to this moment right here.”
“Of course she did.”
“Wow. Your mother was something, Jackson.” She stood. “I’ll be right back. I’ll go get your laptop.”
I watched Harley leave and then shut my eyes. Needing a moment of clarity. A few seconds to calm my plaguing thoughts. Extremely grateful Bailey was with my parents for the rest of the day.
She could have been gone five seconds or five hours, but it felt like forever had passed waiting for her to return. When she did stroll back into the room, holding my computer in her hands, I could sense her anxiety, trying to stay strong for me instead. It was written crystal clear across her beautiful face, filling the space between us as she made her way toward the bed.
I grabbed my laptop out of her hands, and she sat down next to me. Lightly rubbing my back to calm the nerves she knew were stirring inside me.
Prepared for whatever came our way.
With another shaky hand, I laid the computer on the ottoman in front of our bed and lifted the screen, inserting the flash drive next. There was no describing what I was feeling at that moment. Time just seemed to stand still. Nothing moved, including me. Bile burned in the back of my throat, threatening to surface. My hands clammed up, and the room began to slowly close in on us.
There was an unfamiliar feeling lingering in the air. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I’d never forget it for as long as I lived. It was now a part of me, burned into my senses, whether I wanted it to be or not.
My mother.
Fear was a powerful emotion, especially when you encouraged it, and I spent half of my life fueling the beast in my mind. I don’t know how long I waited for the flash drive to open, trying to come to terms with what was about to happen.
When all of a sudden, my mother’s face came on the screen. I couldn’t stop the tears that formed in my eyes, the pain in my heart ripping at my soul and eating me whole.
There she was.
Right in front of me.
Breathing.
Smiling.
Alive.
“Mom,” I whispered so low, scared if I said it too loud she’d disappear from the screen.
“Hi, my beautiful boy,” she greeted.
“Oh my God,” Harley uttered, gripping onto my hand and holding it tight.
“If I had to guess, you’re probably watching this years and years and years later. You’ve always had to do everything on your own time, Jackson. There was no pushing you to do it sooner than you were ready to.” My mom’s eyes lit up, smirking. “Hi, Harley. I’m sure you’re here too. I hope he hasn’t been too much of a pain over the years, but if he’s anything like his father, the beast lives on.”
Harley smiled back at her while we both just sat there with our eyes glued to the computer, unable to look away from my mother having a conversation with us as if she was in the room.
“I’ve probably tried to record this video about a hundred times at this point. If you’re finally watching it, that means I’m no longer with you. At least not physically, Jackson. I’ll always be watching over my kids and your father. I’ll always live in your heart, with every beat, in every breath you take. From the second you could crawl, you were mine. We always had a special connection, you and me. In a much different way than I had with Jagger. You’re so much like your father, but a lot like me as well.”