Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 64654 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 323(@200wpm)___ 259(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64654 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 323(@200wpm)___ 259(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
“We’ve got a new job. It’s different from our typical clients.”
“How so?”
“She’s a custodial client,” I explain. “Released from a mental health facility into our care. For a case like this, the involvement is significant. Around-the-clock presence in her home.”
“And this is outside the bounds of what you’ve done in the past?”
“Well outside. Normally we’re dealing with high-profile security and physical threats. For this client—” I almost said her name. I almost said Ella to Harrison. It wouldn’t have been a disaster for him to hear it. Everything I say in this room is confidential.
But if I say her name to him …
If she becomes part of my sessions as a person in my life and not a client …
That changes things.
I clear my throat. “For this client, the focus is mental health recovery. She was institutionalized for a number of months. This is the stepdown from the Rockford Center.”
His left eyebrow raises a fraction of an inch. Harrison isn’t the kind of man who’s shocked often. Or if he is, he doesn’t show it. Could be a trick of the trade, but it could also be his personality. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t know him before Damon put his foot down and made me schedule an appointment with him years ago. “That type of transfer is unusual, from what I know of the system.”
“Highly unusual.” There’s a strange tightness in my throat, thinking about her standing in that courtroom. “The client herself is unusual, and I think she’ll need an unusual approach. If I take that route, I want to make sure I don’t cross any boundaries. That I’m seeing the right things.”
I’m met with a thoughtful nod.
“And her mental well-being?”
“From what I gather, depressed. Given her medication, suffering with trauma. But very aware, opinionated and independent. She is … working through her pain, but struggling.”
“Is she of sound mind?”
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation and feel a heat tingling at the back of my neck. There is no indication from my interactions with her, nor from Damon’s notes that she is anything other than a strong woman in the middle of a difficult moment. A moment I could hold her hand through. One of the aspects of her case was the consultant verifying that she was of sound mind enough to leave the center … but still …
“What is it you want to see? Something from her?”
“It’s not about what I want to see from her.” This is harder than I thought it would be. Words are slippery things, and they keep rearranging themselves before I can get them the hell out of my mouth. “It’s that I need to look beyond what I want.”
“Can you elaborate on that? I don’t want to make any assumptions.” Harrison doesn’t reach for the notepad on the table by his chair. He doesn’t so much as look at it. Clasping his hands and resting them on his lap, he waits for me to give him details. He knows better than to write a damn thing down. I don’t want any records made of our sessions together. I never have, and I can’t allow him to start now.
This is the part I’m going to have to muscle through. Brute force. Rail against. A voice in the back of my head shrieks that this is dangerous, that admitting it is dangerous, that leaning into it is dangerous.
But it’s not. Admitting the things I want and need isn’t dangerous. What happened with Quincy was a cruel coincidence. It has to have been, otherwise I can’t do this with Ella, and I want it.
I more than want it. I need it. And so does she.
“I believe she could benefit from having a stronger hand. Something in line with her previous relationships.” He opens his mouth to ask a question, but I speak first. “I’ll clarify everything with her beforehand. She’s forthcoming.”
Harrison steeples his hands in front of him. “What is it that you’re afraid you aren’t seeing beyond your own desires for this … would you call it a Dominant/submissive relationship?”
I don’t feel anything like embarrassment when he says it out loud. I feel no shame. What I feel is a certainty that he is the right person to discuss this with, just as I’m certain this kind of mediation would be right for Ella. But that certainty, like all other things, is only a feeling. It’s not necessarily the truth. If there’s an aspect I haven’t considered, then maybe Harrison can help me find it. What I know for sure is that I can’t do this—won’t do it—without some sort of confirmation. I double-check feelings the same way I double-check the details when I’m working security. Flip every lock twice.
“That’s what I would call it, yes. A Dominant/submissive relationship to aid her in a positive recovery.” A thousand images flood into my mind of what, exactly, our relationship would look like. There are real boundaries when it comes to D/s relationships. Ironclad ones. And they will have to mesh together with the limits of the contract we’re both engaged in. “I’ve observed her closely. I’ve talked with her. This approach could help her heal.”