Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
“I should have talked to you.” Maybe if she explained what had happened, he would try to understand. “I should have told you what was said that night.”
“I’m sure they threatened you. Either Fedor himself or one of his men,” he replied. “I’m sure they got you alone for a few minutes and told you all the terrible things they would do. Well, not do to you, of course. You wouldn’t care about yourself at all. I’m sure they threatened Nate. I’m sure they gave you some song and dance about how they would come after your baby and they wouldn’t stop.”
So he did understand and he was still standing there looking at her with cold eyes. “Yes, he said he would kill Nate and you. He said he would take out everyone I loved.”
He put a hand up. “Leave me out of this, Steph. Got nothing to do with me.”
How could he think that? She had to tell him how she felt. She had to be brave for once, and that meant telling him the truth. “Of course it does, Brody. I love you. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone killing you.”
He sighed. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear those words come out of your mouth at one point. For over a year, really. I dreamed about you saying those sweet words to me. I walked away because I was afraid of you. I also thought I wasn’t good enough, but I’m over that. I could have been good for you if you had let me. I could have loved you, Steph.”
Could have? Her chest constricted. “I said I was sorry. Can’t you see I was afraid? I was afraid of losing you.”
Weariness was stamped on his handsome face. “Yeah, I can understand that, but I’ve figured something out. Love takes bravery, and I don’t know that either one of us is brave enough to do it. I was so damn scared when he had you. I knew I would die if you did, but now I wonder how often you’ll put me in that position. How many times will I have to watch you sacrifice yourself for someone you don’t even know because, at the end of the day, what you really want is to go out in a blaze of glory so you can make up for something that no one blames you for anymore.”
“I’m working on that.” She could feel the tears well in her eyes. “I am. I even promised Tucker I would see someone about it. I want to get better. I love you, Brody, and I love Nate. I want to be better for the two of you.”
She watched him almost falter, saw the way his hand came out. He pulled it back before it touched her own.
“I’m glad to hear that, but I think we need time. I’m going to stay with Kai for a day or two until Tucker’s ready to head home. I think I should take Nate with me if you’re planning on going back to Africa. Alfi said he would go with you if you wanted to get the clinic back up and running. I think you’ll have better funds, too, if the way Anya was yelling at her brother was any indication. You’ll have to talk to Big Tag about it, but he cut a deal to keep the Ukrainians out of Ezra’s hands. I think part of it was money for your work.”
Once that would have meant everything to her, but now she couldn’t care less. She’d been going back to Africa because she didn’t know anything else. Wasn’t it time to try? He was right. She needed to be brave. “I want to come with you.”
He grimaced. “I don’t know that’s a good idea. If you want to stay here in the States, then we can work something out. Maybe I could see about transferring to the Dallas office. I want to be in my son’s life.”
He’d put the emphasis on the word son. Not her life. Nate’s. She could see it play out in her head. They would carve up Nate’s time and see each other in those brief moments of pick up or drop off. Eventually Brody would find someone not as broken as she was and he would start a life. She would have to watch it all and know it could have been hers if she’d been braver or stronger. If she hadn’t screwed up her whole life.
How could she lose him now? How could she have just figured out what she truly wanted only to lose him? “I don’t understand, Brody. You know I didn’t ask you to come here. You did that yourself. You came here and you’re the one who made me believe we could have something.”