Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
I had no clue that falling for my best friend’s sister would lead us to a Grammy nomination with the very group that I hated, but I do know, that when I accept that award which I know we will because I have faith, that it was because Dueri was in heaven fighting for us, like she always did.
“Idol of idols…” she’d whispered.
“No,” I often whisper back just in my own head as if she’s still with us. “Strength and resilience. Inspiration.”
“It was a good kiss.” She reached for my hand in the end, her grip was weak. “It was a really good kiss. It tasted like hope.”
The one word I hated so much my entire life.
Was her ending.
My salvation.
My. Hope.
A random fan who I initially was so angry at having to meet.
All of us sat by her bedside. Both groups, all the girls, and everything just seemed to be buried despite all the controversy. It wasn’t clean. It was messy.
And in the end.
They produced.
TestME took over, as true juniors.
Suho walked forward and I’ll never forget the moment. He sat on her hospital bed. “Holding on,” he started singing. “Is the bravest thing, so beautiful, what a beginning… I’ll see you in everything, even when I look in the mirror, I’ll see the girl, the bravery, the one I would have liked to hold hands with. Gift. What a gift.”
Shaking, I’d walked over and held her hand.
She smiled up at all of us and whispered. “See? It all worked out. Maybe that was my purpose.”
“What?” Eric started crying. “What?”
“To remind you why you do what you do. Life is so hard, it’s never easy, every day, taking a breath is hard, but my God you have breath.” She smiled. “Wow, it’s pretty you know, it’s pretty the air up here.”
I reached for her and started sobbing.
And she went.
She went like the air she breathed.
I’ll never forget her.
When that first song ended to crazy applause after our performance at the biggest awards show in the world, I walked off stage and found Ari the way she found me.
The end was the beginning.
The beginning the end.
“WHO WANTS FOOD!?” Eric yells, and so we ate.
And we talked.
And we ignored the gossip.
We ignored everything but our relationships.
It was beautiful.
But it’s just the beginning…
Epilogue
Jay
It’s a weird feeling.
When you have so much success.
When you keep secrets you know you can never tell.
And when you watch your friends finally find themselves the way I did.
I’m still not ready to say it out loud.
I’m still on the fence and I know that while at this point in the world we live in, I can probably say something, this industry doesn’t really allow it.
No, cancel that. They promote the shit out of us having relationships with group members but I swear on all that’s holy the minute that actually happens, all hell wouldn’t just break loose it would deconstruct and come for you.
All seven circles of it.
I stare down at my texts.
I’m literally standing at the Grammy awards and more concerned about my phone, about him texting me back to let me know that he made it.
I don’t realize how up in my own head I am, until I see it.
I mean the world sees it.
A proposal.
To a gorgeous pop star.
From him.
All on camera.
Live.
For the world to see.
My hands shake until she walks up to me and grabs them. I have no clue who she is. She’s not a K-pop artist, she’s not even famous, I know at least that much.
But the hand holding.
It does something.
I stay still.
She looks down at my thumb. “Eyes clear. Smile wide. I’ll get you through whatever situation this is, but I need you to focus because in three and a half minutes you’re about to perform in front of millions of people and the biggest acts in the history of acts. Can you do this for me? Can you make it work? I mean of course you can, Jay, it’s what you do. So focus. One step at a time.”