Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
His stance is casual but I can see it in his eyes, he’s searching for an in, he’s waiting to see me crumble so he can get what he wants—he’s a producer straight out of Hollywood who came here because his Chaebol parents made him leave an affair he was having with an American actress.
He confided in me two years ago when I arrived.
And now he wants even more.
He wants a relationship.
He asked me out so many times I lost count until I finally gave in. We had fun, but it felt like friends. He doesn’t know how much I wish it was more so I could forget my brother’s best friend.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, I’m just too busy and you know I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“Oh, that’s what this is.” He nods. I can’t tell if he’s disappointed or just more determined, his jaw flexes like he’s clenching his teeth but trying not to. “Briefly forgot, just like I forgot my jacket.” He winks and goes to pick up the black peacoat and walks past me, giving me a whiff of Armani cologne.
He stops next to me when he returns, staring straight at the door.
“I hope he’s worth it.”
“Who?” I feign ignorance but I’m secretly freaking out. Does he know? Could he tell that my eyes kept darting to Sookie every single time I thought he wasn’t looking?
He smiles away from me and lowers his chin. “The one you’re waiting on. You know, the world doesn’t wait for all of us, Ari. Have a good night.”
He strolls out of the room and I catch a few co-workers in marketing who are loitering in the hall, stop and watch him. When he’s out of sight one covers her mouth with her hand, while the other giggles. They are definitely into him.
He’s beautiful, I’ll give him that. He’s my age, and he’s seemingly the perfect catch. If I was taking an exam and had all the right answers for what to do when trying to find your perfect partner, this guy would check every box.
But I don’t want perfection.
I don’t want someone who seems perfect for me, someone who never has a hair out of place and is always manicured. Someone who won’t show me their damaged parts I want to see the dark. I want to see that part because everyone it is wounded in some way. Everyone has those parts of themselves that they hide from the world but reveal to the one they trust. That’s real. That’s love. And I can’t trust someone who won’t show me that side. Someone who won’t let you truly see.
And as far as the perfect producer goes… how can I possibly go there with him? How can I be vulnerable with someone I know I’ll never fully be able to commit to, even if it’s just dinner, because it would never just be dinner. It would turn into more, or he’d want more, and I would maybe go there because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the proper way and then I’d be stuck in a relationship where I was unfulfilled All while thinking of someone else.
It’s not faIr to him.
Or to me.
And as far as Sookie goes…
I know I need to somehow move past this; I need to move past us—but it’s hard. I just wish there was some manual to tell you what to do when you’re so lost.
And.
I.
Am.
Lost.
I’m lost in my desire and love for a man I can never have.
I close my eyes for a second and just let that seep into my brain. I tell myself he’s about to go on a dating spree and he can very well meet someone that will take his attention away from me. My heart cries out over that possibility. It hurts to think I could be so easily replaced.
Chill, Ari, I tell myself. Just take it one minute at a time.
I straighten my spine and leave the conference room and start walking toward my office. My phone goes off in my t hand.
I stop and look down.
SK
WTF
Yeah. My heart gets really happy when I see his text. I can’t help it.
But he’s definitely pissed. I knew he would be.
I quickly text back.
ME
I had no control over this, all I did was look over the contracts.
SK
No control? You couldn’t at least warn me of what was coming? Even after we kissed?
I can feel my cheeks burn at the reminder.
ME
You know I’m not allowed to do that.
SK
No? I thought I meant a little more to you, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll see you on set while I’m dating random girls for press. You know this sounds like an actual nightmare come to life, but then again, I could always find a girl my age who actually acknowledges me and who I matter to.