Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 148220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 741(@200wpm)___ 593(@250wpm)___ 494(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 741(@200wpm)___ 593(@250wpm)___ 494(@300wpm)
“Yeah, it does. So he’d have been disappointed if you didn’t wait?”
“No.” With sadness darkening her expression, she shakes her head. “He told me once, ‘Don’t wait if something makes you happy. Because you don’t know when it’ll be gone.’ That wasn’t about sex, really. But I think he would have viewed it the same way if I’d met someone who made me happy. It took me a while to really learn that lesson, though.”
“Not waiting for the good stuff.” Dessert. Sex.
“Yeah.” Her gaze lifts to meet mine, emerald eyes big and imploring. “Do you believe in God? Or that we’ll be punished for the bad stuff we do?”
So damn cute. With my forefinger, I tap her up-tilted chin. “So drink number four is when you go deep and philosophical? That’s good to know.”
She catches my hand. “But do you, though? Do you think intentions matter?”
I can’t resist those eyes. “Never thought about it much. Why? You worried you’ll be punished for not being a virgin?”
“No. I don’t think sex makes anyone bad.” Her lips tremble. “But after what I did to you? I really, really wanted to save you.”
Ah fuck. “You did save me, Maxine. You truly did.”
Filled up all that emptiness.
Eyes swimming, she shakes her head. “I meant to. But the entire plan went to shit.”
“What plan was that? Because I guarantee you, whatever it was, it didn’t go to shit. I’m right here. I’m fine.”
“But you would never have been hurt or in the Cage. If I’d just…” Those tears slip over. “If I’d just looked at Gunner a little closer. Because I meant to get you safe with your friend and tell you everything, even though Victor was listening in. And I knew he’d kill me for it. Then I thought Gunner was that blue-eyed devil. So you weren’t safe. But when I tried to get you out of there, Victor caught up to us and I just… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
My chest is real fucking tight. “What are you talking about?”
“At the tavern,” she sobs quietly.
Yeah, I got that. “What do you mean, Victor was listening in?”
“To my wig. So I couldn’t warn you off without him knowing.” She bravely swipes at her eyes. “Though I was going to. I thought someone had to do something right. And it needed to be me. So I pretended to play along. Pretended to spike your drink. But Victor caught up to us and drugged you anyway.”
My heart’s completely gone. Just a big mess left. “Was that why it took so damn long to get my bloodwork cleared to fight? He pumped me full of something else?”
“Because I didn’t get you outside fast enough.” Her face crumples again. “It just all went to shit. And I didn’t save you. I just made it all worse.”
“Hey.” My throat’s so damn raw, my voice is nothing but a croak when I cradle her cheeks between my hands—and search hard for something to say. “Listen. Maxine. Listen. It’s not your fault. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Because those fuckers were going to get me anyway. They made a deal with Strawman to take me, so one way or another, they’d have gotten to me. And I’m not sorry at all that it happened this way, because I met you. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Okay?”
She just cries harder, so I pull her in and let her bury her face against my chest. Fucking stunned that my heart’s still beating when it feels like it should be exploding.
I wouldn’t have cared if she’d drugged me. I held onto that anger for a long time while I was so goddamn empty inside, looking for any excuse to keep her close. Telling myself she had to pay. But it didn’t matter later. Not after that hole in me started closing up. After I started pulling my head out of my ass. Because I sure as hell couldn’t blame her for spiking my drink if it meant saving her own life or avoiding the kind of punishments they’d have handed out to her.
But that’s not what she did. Instead she tried to save me…knowing that she would have died for it. She’d been willing to trade her life for mine. A stranger who wasn’t worth even one of her tears.
I can barely fucking deal with that. Except to let her cry. And think back to everything I can remember from that night. Of her tossing the wig while running ahead of me. Of looking down at her, feeling real pissed off and seeing her eyes filled with fear.
“I’m the one who slowed us down, wasn’t I?” I realize. “You told me about Gunner, and I stopped you right there.”
She hiccups against my chest. “But I should have seen that he wasn’t—”