Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
But her mother was forcing her to reframe those years, to look at them through a different filter, one where she wasn’t innocent. One where she did let the people around her make assumptions about TJ that weren’t true.
She couldn’t face that right now any more than she could face the idea that this would be over soon.
She was stuck between wanting to believe him and still being that girl who saw the world as a knife’s edge she had to walk or everything would fall apart. It was all still there despite the fact that she’d had beautiful stability for half her life now. Those first years had indelibly marked her, and if she couldn’t get over them, she might lose the best thing that ever happened to her.
TJ. He stood, his eyes dark and jawline tight. She’d pushed him but she’d needed to. She’d needed to test them because she’d known so fully that they would break. And he’d done it. He’d said the words, though they hadn’t been cruel. They’d been what she’d feared most of all. That she wasn’t worth the trouble. That she was difficult and hard to love.
But he was still here. He was staring her down like an angry Dom who meant every word he’d said.
She needed that Dom every bit as much as she needed the sweet boy who’d been her friend for years. She accepted that now. Maybe the sweet boy wouldn’t be able to handle her damage, but the man in front of her could, and that meant they might be okay.
She sniffled, emotion running wild through her. “I didn’t defend you.”
His head shook slightly. “I don’t care, Lou. I don’t care about what anyone thinks of me except you, and your time is running out. If you force me to spank you, you won’t be able to sit tomorrow, I promise you. You’ll feel my hand on your ass for the next couple of days. I would so rather punish you in another way.”
A shiver went up her spine that had nothing to do with fear. Honestly, the thought of the spanking did something for her. Feeling his hand on her skin for days wasn’t the deterrent he thought it was. Or maybe he knew her and this was a mind fuck.
And still, she rather thought it would be better for him if she followed his orders. If she needed the big bad Dom, maybe he needed her unquestioning submission from time to time. What if he was telling her the truth and he didn’t care about mistakes made in the past, didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of him. Only needed her.
She kicked out of her flats and shoved her slacks down, cool air hitting her skin and contrasting with the sun that streamed in from the big windows that formed the walls of her lab. She’d opened the screens when she’d come in and didn’t think about closing them now. No one could see in, and even if they could, she didn’t care in the moment.
In this moment all that mattered was being what he needed. The anxiety melted away as she fell to her knees and let her head fall submissively forward. He’d been right the night before. She hadn’t truly wanted to play. She’d hoped he would fall on his knees and eat her pussy and she could hold parts of herself back from him.
That wasn’t what either of them needed.
He’d tried to make a safe space for them, a place where they didn’t have to worry about the past or the future, and she’d fought him because worry seemed to be the thing she did best. She’d done it because she’d been thinking of herself.
He wasn’t a prize to be won or an object to pine after. She loved him, and it was fucking time to show him that. Even if they didn’t work out. Even if somewhere down the line she lost him. Loss was inevitable, so she suddenly wanted to make that loss as big as it could be. Her mother had told her to live a big life. There was no big life without risk. She hated the word, but it was time to start using it.
She wished she had a bed in this monstrosity of a place. Some of the other labs had small cots for overnight experiments. She didn’t do those, so she’d never seen the reason for it. However, looking at the big bulge in her Dom’s jeans, she could see the appeal.
She rather thought she was about to get tossed over one of her chosen-for-their-aesthetics couches that dotted the space. They damn straight hadn’t been made for rough sex with a big guy.
Lou dropped to her knees, hoping she could remember what she’d been taught. It had been over a year since she’d taken the class that allowed her membership to The Hideout. Normally when she let a Dom run a scene with her, there wasn’t a lot of formality. Half the time she high fived them at the end.