Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 73940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73940 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
I nearly started to cry but somehow held it all back, building an invisible dam. “That sounds so fucking perfect.”
To have someone who so profoundly understood me, understood my fears and how to handle them, it meant the world.
This “great guy” column was soon running out of space.
We spent the rest of the day tossing around different drag queens and kings we wanted to reach out to. It was fun, the time flying back, the four of us creating a bond that felt concrete. I was excited. Scared that it would be a lot to pull off, with a fuck-ton riding on it, but excited.
And looking over at a smiling, joking, handsome-as-fuck Ryan only made that excitement bloom even brighter. Not only for the protest, either, but for the future.
My entire body became filled with sunlight and butterflies and big ol’ gay rainbows. My ribs were grassy knolls, and my lungs were meadow-covered fields, and my heart was the bright, beating sun, with Ryan and me lying down together, Twilight-style.
My Edward, his Bella…except much less clumsy and awkward.
Huh.
Guess this is what love feels like.
Being at my mom’s house always felt like a warm, art-filled hug.
She lived in a gated community further inland, where the San Luco rich rubbed elbows with the middle class. Her neighborhood was very eclectic which matched my mom’s vibe perfectly. There were massive modern mansions mixed with one-story Spanish style homes. The hills made a picturesque backdrop against her backyard, where I currently sat and watched her paint.
“Need more tea, honey?”
“Nah, I’m ok. Thanks.” I leaned against the pillow on my side and looked out to her garden. “The tulips look great. And those orchids are slaying.”
“They are thriving aren’t they? I’m thinking of finding some rare succulents and putting them by the koi pond.”
“Oh, that would look really good.”
“Want to go find some with me later?”
“I can’t, I need to meet Maddy. Our Beacon Bay protest is almost here. Still have so much to do for it.”
My mom gave her canvas a once-over and set her brush down on the paint palette next to her. She turned her chair around so she could face me. “How’s that going?”
“Great, actually. We figured out what we want to do—well Ryan actually figured out what to do. I think it’s going to get the attention we need to add pressure. I’ve got hope.”
My mom’s hazel eyes crinkled as she twirled a turquoise beads on her bracelet. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“Well yeah, he’s my boyfriend. I hope I like him.” I smiled, knowing my mom meant more than she was saying. “He’s a really great guy. Nothing like his father. And… yeah, he makes me really happy.”
“I can see a change in you. You seem so much more, no sé, carefree. Especially when he’s around. The other night at dinner, it was obvious how good you are for each other. I saw those puppy eyes you gave him. I love seeing my son like this.”
“And your son loves feeling like this.” I looked back at the garden again. “I think Dad would have loved him.”
“I know he would have. He always said he wanted you to end up happy, successful, and with someone who lifts you up.”
The cloudless blue sky took on a new life every time I spoke about my dad. “When did you know he was going to be the one?” I asked. I’d known how they met, when they got married, and watched the rest of their love story unravel with my own eyes.
But I never asked how she knew.
“Well, not to burst your romantic bubble, but I don’t think there isn’t really one exact moment someone knows. Unless I watched your dad fly into a burning building and come out rescuing a basket of crying kittens, then yes, I would have known then. But I don’t think there’s ever a true moment,” she said. She swirled her matcha tea, took a sip, and continued. “Instead I think there’s a multitude of moments, that only continued after me and your dad married. Reaffirmations to my initial guess, because that’s really all we can do. Guess at our futures.
He gave me all the reasons —tiny and huge— so that I could pull them together, paint them onto a canvas that would never really be complete. Not until I can no longer paint.”
She took another sip of her tea, letting me sit in her words. I thought about all the moments Ryan proved he was the one for me. My painting of us already begun forming.
My mom cleared her throat. “Does that make any sense? I did eat an edible before you got here.”
I cracked up, happy I can share this moment with her. “Yes, that made complete sense.”
“Okay, good.” She smiled, opened her arms.
I got up from my seat and hugged her tightly.