Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 83519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
I don’t respond to her. I don’t climb off the bed and wrap my arms around her. I don’t promise her that things will get better. I’m a man of my own experiences, and I know time doesn’t do shit to rid you of the fucking demons. Getting control of them is about hard work and dedication, about growing bitter and cold rather than feeding on them until they no longer have the power to hurt you. The monsters are ravenous, hungrier than you can ever satisfy.
I get the feeling that Lauren is very much aware of this, though.
“Years,” she says, her eyes dropping to the liquid in her cup. “He was hurting her for years. I knew he was a violent man. I didn’t always escape his wrath, but he never came to me for that. She was his pick. I didn’t know until after I read her diary that he used that against her. It’s how he controlled her. She took everything he forced on her to protect me. I fucking failed her.”
She takes a deep shuddering breath before continuing.
“The day they argued, I was terrified. I’d never seen her stand up to him that way. He grabbed her by the hair while she was facing him, and from nowhere, she pulled a knife. I think she stabbed him four times before he let go of her hair. I could see the shock in his eyes as she stepped away from him.
“I thought we were finally free. We could run away and start a better life. I didn’t think anything of it when she said she was going to shower, that she’d take care of him after she was done. She was covered in blood, and even at my young age, I thought it was weird. There was no way we’d be able to hide his body without getting more blood on us, but I just nodded, my eyes locked on my father as he bled out on the floor.”
She shakes her head as if she’s trying to throw away the memories, and I hate that I can sympathize with her and what she experienced.
“Her shower took so long, I went to get her. The longer the blood was on the carpet, the harder it would be to clean, but she wasn’t showering. The water that was flowing under the door was tinged pink, and at the time, I thought dang, she had more blood on her than I realized.”
I know where this is going, but I don’t speak up. I don’t stop her and tell her it’s okay to keep the rest to herself.
This woman is just as fucking damaged as I am.
“She slit her wrists in that tub. My beautiful sister, my protector, my only friend, killed my father, something I found out later she’d been trying to build the courage to do for years. Years, Angel. That’s how long he was hurting her.”
I swallow, blinking slowly as I watch her face. She’s positively gorgeous in her pain, and maybe if I hadn’t witnessed so many terrible fucking things in my own life, I’d gasp and apologize for something I had no more fucking control over than she did at such a young age.
“I didn’t want Liana to be in trouble, so I tried to clean up the floor around my father. It was an impossible task. I didn’t call the police until the next day, and the detective who showed up couldn’t understand that. Maybe in his world 9-1-1 is the very first thought after a tragedy, but in my house, it was never an option. The only reason I called was because I was terrified they were going to turn into ghosts.” She chuckles, a humorless sound as she pours another drink. “I was terrified of facing my father even in death after what happened. I could literally imagine how angry he’d be about the stain his body left on the carpet.”
She doesn’t look back at me again as she drains her glass, only to refill it once again.
A friend would tell her to stop.
A friend would tell her that’s enough, and she’s going to regret her choice in the morning.
Only, I’m not her fucking friend. If anything I’m growing bitter by the moment with her confessions.
I don’t want this shit in my head. I don’t want to know what terrible things happened to make her the way she is.
I fully fucking understand her now. It’s clear to draw a line from what she witnessed and the guilt she must’ve felt and how it led to her punishing herself in the way that she does.
Maybe if her father hurt her instead of her sister, then Liana would still be alive.
Maybe she feels like she should’ve been raped back then and since that wasn’t her reality, she can go through the motions having that done to her now.