Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 127461 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127461 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
“How so?”
“I didn’t realize that using violence would bring that need out in both Rogue and me. I began to crave it all over again.” He didn’t hesitate to tell her the truth. “I had tried to suppress that part of me over the years, but it’s part of who I am, and it isn’t ever going away. Like I told you, either I was born that way, or Patva and his friends made me into a sadist.”
Again, her blue-green eyes studied him. “I doubt you’re a true sadist, Gorya. If you were, you wouldn’t have been able to keep from harming others or humiliating them.”
“No? Just kill them.”
“Perhaps they needed killing.”
Gorya pressed his palm to his chest when his heart reacted with that strange, unfamiliar pressure, as if it were being squeezed in a vise. Was this how Fyodor felt when he had gone to Evangeline’s bakery for all those months? Feeling she might be his only chance at salvation? And Sevastyan? Had he known all along that Flambe would find a way to redeem him? The man Gorya knew who was closest to sharing his sins was Gedeon. He believed Meiling was his miracle. He understood Gorya and Rogue because he had been on the verge of ending his existence before his leopard, Slayer, could kill an innocent. That time had been approaching very fast.
“I think it’s possible you’re my own personal miracle.” He murmured the thought aloud, not truly believing in redemption for someone like him, but if there was a way, she might be the path.
Her expression changed to absolute rejection. She drew back. Tears even shimmered in her eyes. She shook her head several times and then burst out laughing. The sound was low, but very close to hysteria.
“Is that what you think? Your own personal miracle? Like saintly Meiling? That’s what Gedeon said. Is that what everyone thinks? Expects?”
She was in such distress it felt as if he had tortured her. The emotions came off her in such strong waves that it was all he could do not to go to her and pull her into his arms. In his entire life, Gorya had never had such a reaction. He’d seen women in tears. He’d seen them in life-or-death situations. He’d seen them lose loved ones, but not once had he been affected the way he was by Maya’s reaction to his statement. He couldn’t even believe it.
Her breathing was ragged, as if her lungs burned for air and she couldn’t find it in the spacious room despite all the plants.
“I can’t even save myself, Gorya.” Maya sounded hoarse, her vocal cords shredded, as if she’d screamed and screamed where no one could hear her. The shadows in her eyes increased. “What you see isn’t real. There isn’t one single thing real about me.”
“Maya—” He broke off. What was there to say? She couldn’t hear him. She was so upset she looked broken. Absolutely broken.
“The Amurov family raided our homes and killed my father and brothers. They took my mother, sister and me when I was barely two.” A visible shudder went through her body. She wrapped her arms around her middle and rocked herself gently in a self-soothing manner. Her eyes had gone almost completely gray-blue as she turned inward, recalling the terrible nightmare of her childhood.
Gorya remained silent, needing to hear the trauma his family had caused this woman—the one he was certain was destined to be his partner—and her leopard, Rogue’s mate. He found it difficult not to go to her. He needed to go to her. Still, he held himself rigid, inwardly cursing his uncles, wondering who had ripped her life apart. If any lived, he would hunt them down, destroy their lives and then kill them for her.
“The pakhan seemed to hate my mother more than anyone. He wanted something from her, but she wouldn’t give it to him, no matter what he did. He gave my sister to his men. They did horrible things to her in front of my mother—and me. I can still hear her screams. Sometimes I wake up hearing her screaming. He tortured my mother. He let his men torture her. One man was so angry with my sister for fighting back when he tried to rape her, and the men laughed at him when she managed to kick him in the balls. She was only four. He beat her badly and began cutting her legs with a knife. He dragged her out of the house, with a bunch of other men egging him on. We never saw her again. The pakhan grabbed another little girl and skinned her alive in front of my mother, telling her he was looking for her leopard. I was next if my mother didn’t give him what he wanted.”