Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 76172 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76172 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
The joke’s on me, however, because I’m the one left behind. I’m the one who was told last night that I’m a murderer. That it’s my fault Vaughn is gone. Mrs. Malloy told me she wished I never would’ve knocked on their door that day to see if the boy I saw while moving in across the street could play. She was sobbing when she said she wished it were me instead of him.
Doesn’t she know that there hasn’t been a single day in the last two weeks that I haven’t wished the same?
I feel empty, soulless, lost.
A literal part of me died that day, and honestly, I don’t know if I want it back. I don’t need that piece of me that needs others in my life. The loss of them is too much of a burden to bear.
I keep my eyes on the grieving Malloy family as the preacher asks everyone to bow their heads for a final prayer. Mrs. Malloy grips her husband’s hands tight in her lap, her shoulders shaking from her sobs. Silent tears streak down the man’s face. I can tell he’s trying to be strong for his wife, but he’s close to losing it as well.
Tiny feet in lace-ruffled socks and black shoes kick back and forth on Mr. Malloy’s left. Devyn only got six short years with her brother. Guilt for my role in all of this swims inside of me as I look at her innocent face.
She sees me watching her, her cheeks turning up into a smile. She lifts her hand, giving me a little wave, her fingers gripping one of those journals she’s always carrying around with her.
I nod at her in return. She doesn’t blame me simply because she’s too young to understand. I have no doubt her parents will share their views with her, making it impossible to satisfy my best friend’s last wishes. His family no longer loves me like a son because I’m the reason they lost theirs. I can’t look after them the way he wanted me to. I can’t make sure Devyn doesn’t date until she’s thirty, nor help his dad with the old Pontiac in the garage he was too busy in high school to help rebuild. Not being welcome in their home means I won’t be around to offer to till Mrs. Malloy’s backyard garden because Mr. Malloy’s back is too bad from a previous at-work injury to help her with it.
As the preacher says amen, I have to walk away. The last thing I want is for his parents to notice me in the crowd. I’ve caused them enough grief, and they demanded I stay away today, even knowing I couldn’t.
I lost my best friend two weeks ago, but today, I walk away from three more people I truly love.
Chapter 1
Devyn
I’m a chicken. The biggest coward who ever walked the earth.
Instead of going downstairs and telling my parents the truth, I’m in my room, sitting on the floor, going through all my things in preparation for leaving for college tomorrow. At least that’s what my parents believe—both that I’m packing my necessities and going to college.
I lied months ago about being accepted to the University of Nebraska, Omaha. Omaha is over three hours away from home, and at the time, I figured I could just move and use the money I’ve earned working at one of the dollar stores in town to get a small apartment. I could keep the lie up for four years because my parents aren’t exactly the type of people to travel for any reason. Since they couldn’t be bothered to attend any school functions of mine growing up, other than my graduation, I didn’t figure they’d get involved in any trips to the university.
I nearly fell over last night when they said they’d both taken off work to make sure I made it to campus safely. Dad offered to bring his small picture-hanging kit in case I wanted to hang anything on my dorm room walls. Mom bought a small rug for my bedside because she didn’t want my feet getting cold. The behavior of both of them was unusual. They’ve never really concerned themselves with my daily life other than to make sure there was food in the fridge.
It’s been like that my whole life, making me a very self-sufficient person. I cook and I shop for myself now that I’m old enough. I’m not exactly neglected. They don’t expect me to pay for my necessities, but I’ve never experienced a shopping trip with my mom. Until I was old enough to drive, my parents always brought things they bought home on their way back from work.
The buzz of the lawn mower in the backyard jolts me back to reality, and I forgo my fake packing. I wish I had the courage to tell my parents the truth, as I stand and cross the room to the singular window. I keep to the side, out of sight, and look down on Seb as he pushes the mower across the lawn. He’s been mowing the lawn for my parents for years. I hate the crush I had on him, the one that led to flirting, which led to the night we spent together over Christmas break. He was home for college, and I was feeling unseen and neglected by everyone in my life.