Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
All tags and comments and posts are about my mother. One on Nadine’s TikTok is actual footage of the entire horrible scene.
All of the pizza I ate after practice comes up my throat and lands on the sidewalk right in front of me, my hands at my knees as every retch rocks me.
A gentle hand settles onto my back, rubbing comforting circles.
I hate that he’s here, witnessing this. That this is how he’s finding out he’s been wrong about my perfect, privileged life, and I didn’t get a say in any of it.
Like always. I didn’t get a say in my mother’s addiction. I didn’t get a say when she’d go on a bender while my dad was at work and Wren and I had to fend for ourselves. I didn’t get a say when she was supposed to be a caregiver and she neglected us time and time again.
I didn’t get a say when Dane followed me to Dickson.
I didn’t get a say in my mother showing up here.
I didn’t get a say when it came to Finn and him constantly pushing me away.
And I didn’t get a say in my heart’s choice to fall in love with him.
Once my stomach settles and dry heaves no longer have me hunched toward the cement, Finn hands me a tissue to wipe my mouth.
I take it, but I don’t say anything. Fatigue has now seeped into my bones, and I’m too tired to answer Julia’s and Kayla’s texts. I’m too tired to ask Finn why he’s still here.
I’m too tired to do anything but put my head down and walk back to my dorm as Finn follows me once again.
Finn
Scottie sobs quietly in front of me as we cross Broadway and walk along the side of Delaney to the 116th Street Entrance. My jaw grinds in restraint as I give her space, looking both directions for any potential threats.
There aren’t any, thankfully, because I know for a fact that she carries enough terror deep in her chest.
She doesn’t even have to tell me the traumatic details about her mother for me to know what she’s feeling. Because for as much as I’ve said we weren’t—as much as I wish we weren’t—Scottie and I are the same. We’ve dealt with the same vile behavior from our alcoholic parents, and we both carry trauma on our shoulders every fucking day.
I want to apologize for the things I’ve said and for the assumptions I’ve made about her life that were so clearly wrong. I want to tell her that, as much as I’ve denied it, I’ve loved her nearly every day we’ve known each other. I want to tell her that I love her now and intend to love her forever.
But I know the way she’s feeling right now—the self-loathing that comes with a family you can’t control—and how invalidating that is of your worth.
I know it because I’ve lived it. I know it because I am it.
I keep watch as she unlocks the door to Delaney and steps inside, waiting for it to fall closed behind her with a click.
And as the tension of her safety releases, red-hot fury comes flooding back. I turn back in the direction we came and pick up my pace to a run, sprinting across Broadway, past Wheaton, behind McKinley, and around Nash until I can see the Delta Omega house in the distance. I slow to a walk and steady my breathing, allowing anger to fuel my progress forward.
By the time I walk through the door, my back and neck muscles are flexing hard with each deep inhale of my nostrils, and my fists are clenched tight at my sides.
Ace, Julia, and Kayla are just inside the door, wrestling with people for their phones as they step up to leave the house. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Julia bitches at a girl who evidently has some kind of footage in her camera roll.
Ace is the first to spot me and drops what he’s doing, stepping in front of me and taking his life in his hands. “Finn, hey, hold up,” he tries, but I shove him out of the way with a hand to his chest and keep walking. Blake tries to step in front of me then, but I move him easily enough too, the kind of pissed-off-adrenaline I have flowing through my veins a tough match for even the strongest of football players physically.
They’re both trying to help because I’m already on thin ice with the dean, but I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I refuse to leave this house until I make that son of a bitch pay for what he did.
Dane is standing at a table playing beer pong with Nadine and two people I don’t recognize at all. They’re laughing and having a good old fucking time, like they didn’t just do what they did to Scottie.