Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
It should be a happy memory. Finn and I got past all those demons and reached the other side despite the fact that I broke his trust and trapped him into taking my virginity.
Now, though, I’m in precarious danger of trapping him all over again. In a life with me holding him back.
“You should go back to New York,” I blurt out, and his head jerks in surprise.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you shouldn’t stay here. You need to get back on campus. You shouldn’t be missing classes to stay here in the hospital with me.”
“I disagree, Scottie,” he says and sits down on the edge of my bed. “I don’t think I should be anywhere but here. With you.”
“No, Finn,” I refute, and when he reaches out to grab my hand, I pull it away. “You need to go back to New York.”
He doesn’t understand it now, but eventually, he will. He’ll find a way to move on, and he’ll find a way to meet someone who can give him all the things I can’t anymore.
His brown eyes search mine. “I want to be here for you, Scottie. I don’t want or need to be anywhere else but here, okay?”
Finn has his entire life ahead of him. And prior to everything happening with his dad, his life enveloped him in hell and held him there. But now, he doesn’t have to worry about his mom or Reece or Jack or Travis or Willow. He’s even gained a whole new set of siblings who have shown him nothing but love and support and acceptance.
Unlike mine, his future is bright.
If he keeps doing this, sacrificing important things in his life because of his paralyzed girlfriend, one day he’s going to wake up and regret it.
One day, he’s going to realize that I was holding him back.
And I refuse to let it go that far.
I need to rip off the Band-Aid now and set him free.
Finn
“You need to go back to New York, Finn,” Scottie says for the fifth time, and I try to grab her hand, but she pulls it away again. “You should’ve never stayed back. You should’ve left with Ace and Julie and Blake on Saturday. You’re missing classes when you don’t need to.”
“I don’t give a shit about my classes,” I counter, standing over her and lifting her chin so she has to meet my gaze. Scottie is already petite, but right now, she looks so tiny lying here in this bed. She’s defeated, and because of that, she’s pushing me away. “I already told you, Ace and Julia are—”
“I know what you said, Finn, but I don’t agree with it,” she says, looking away so distinctly, it’s a dismissal. “I think you need to leave.”
“I can leave you alone for a bit. Go get some fresh air—”
“No, Finn. You need to go. I don’t want you here anymore, okay?” She shoves at me as hard as she can, getting angry when I don’t budge. “I said, leave! Go! Go back to New York and move on with your life!”
She’s made up her mind, but she’s made the wrong decision. I try to grab her arms to calm her down and Wren runs into the room in a panic, but Scottie’s too far gone to stop.
“I want him out of here! Right now! Get security if you have to,” she instructs Wren frantically.
“Don’t do this, Scottie,” I beg as she pushes the call light at the side of her bed to get a nurse. “I know you feel like everything is completely fucked right now. And that’s valid. It’s so valid. But don’t push me away.” I reach for her hand again, but she uses it to reach out and swing at me.
My throat is thick with pain and devastation, but I know this is just the hurt talking. She’s lost all sense of control, but making me leave is something she can still do. I don’t want to go, but I know she needs the victory. I know she needs to make something happen on her own just as much as I need her to know I won’t go away forever.
“I love you,” I tell her even as the nurse comes running into the room. “I love you, and I’ll never stop. Do you hear me?”
She shakes her head, angry crying as the nurse tries to help, and then yells out again. “Get him out of here! Now!”
I hold up both of my hands as the nurse comes toward me, my last line of defense officially exhausted. “I’m leaving.”
Scottie’s face screws up on itself as she tries to fight the way I know she feels about me deep down inside.
She wants space. She needs time.
And I don’t fucking want to, but I need to respect it.
Pushing through Wren and the nurse, I approach Scottie’s bedside one last time and force her chin up to meet my eyes again. “I love you, Scottie. One day, you’re going to realize just how much. I might be walking out of this room because I get that that’s what you need, but I’m not fucking going anywhere. So, push me away if you want. But I’ll be back.”