Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98023 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“I think you’re looking at this all wrong,” I tell her, but she pulls her hand away from mine.
“No,” she snaps, sitting up with piercing eyes. “I think you’re looking at this all wrong.”
“How?” I question. “How is it wrong that I love you and want to be with you? How is it so wrong that I want other people to know how I feel about you?”
“Blake, this isn’t how it was supposed to go. This was supposed to be…” She pauses, alarm in her eyes now, and I try my best to calm her as panic seizes my thudding heart.
“I know this wasn’t your plan, but sometimes things just happen, you know?” I say. “And this summer, something happened between us. Something strong and fucking special and real. I don’t want women to think they can approach me like they used to. I want them to know I belong to you.”
She shakes her head several more times, her whole body overcome. She shoves off the couch and stands, pacing in a panic.
“This isn’t how this was supposed to go. This is… You were supposed to have fun. You were supposed to be fun.”
“Lex—”
“I have no intention of making any public announcement about us because I don’t see a future beyond the summer.” Her mouth is a gun, and her words are bullets striking straight into my fucking chest. Each shot hits the target that’s my heart, stinging like a motherfucker. “I think this is a sign we need to stop doing what we’re doing,” she continues until all the hope inside me withers and dies. “Otherwise, I think someone is going to get hurt.”
“Going to get hurt?” I laugh, but there’s no humor. “Pretty sure it’s a little too fucking late for that.”
“I’m sorry, Blake,” she says, but her voice is barely above a whisper.
“You want to know what I think?”
She turns to meet my eyes as I stand from the couch.
“I think you’re being obtuse, and you’re too smart to be doing it without purpose. This—what happened between us—isn’t something you can write off as research or statistics, and you know it. We’re talking about emotions here. And whether you want to face it or not, you do have feelings for me, and if you push me away now, you’re going to regret it.”
Her bottom lip quivers. But she schools her face so quickly, I almost question if I even saw that in the first place. “I think you need to leave.”
“So, that’s it?” I question, but she makes a point to grab my duffel bag that sits by her kitchen island and hand it to me.
“Goodbye, Blake.”
“Goodbye for tonight, or goodbye forever?”
“Goodbye…forever.”
I shut my eyes and have to force myself to breathe through the pain. When I feel like my lungs are made of something slightly less dense than lead, I lean forward to press a kiss to her forehead.
“When I said I love you, I meant it,” I whisper. “One day, you’re going to admit to yourself you feel the same. I just hope it’s not too late.”
And then, I leave.
Walking away hurts like a motherfucker, but my dignity is all I have left.
With Lexi Winslow, there’s no forcing the issue. The only option…is to wait.
Saturday, August 2nd
Lexi
My morning alarm is the equivalent of someone running their nails down a chalkboard, and I reach out to slam my hand down on my phone, desperate to end the noise trauma. Instantly, the sweet sounds of silence fill my bedroom, but the sun decides it’s the perfect time to peek in through my window and add an extra blanket of warmth to my skin.
I groan and drag my pillow over my face, my usual routine of getting out of bed at the first sounds of my alarm clearly not happening.
But as I turn over to my side and open my eyes, my vision slowly adjusting from the darkness of my lids to the brightness of the morning, I fixate on the empty spot on my mattress beside me.
For the past few weeks, that spot hasn’t been empty at all. It’s been filled with the larger-than-life man I kicked out of my apartment last night.
He told me he loved me. And I didn’t say anything at all.
He told me he wanted to be with me. And I asked him to leave.
I can’t even begin to explain or understand my reaction to his words. All I know is that my physiological reaction was intense. My heart pounded inside my chest and my ears rang and my feet felt like they had been cemented to the floor.
And the hurt I saw on his face reminded me so much of how I’ve felt after causing tears in my mom’s eyes.
I know I’m the problem. I just don’t know how to fix it.
I turn back over onto my side and snag my phone from the nightstand, my fingers instantly unlocking the screen and opening up my ongoing text chat with Blake.