Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 94716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94716 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 474(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
He gave me the once over and then nodded in the direction of a curtained off room. Quite a few men in blue firefighter uniforms, consisting of blue Dickie pants and a blue t-shirt were crowded around the curtain, with an older lady sitting on the edge of the bed next to the man. As we approached, all eyes turned to us. The man in the bed looked much better, compared to how we’d last seen him.
His eyes watched us approach in confusion, and then realization lit his eyes. “You’re the ones who helped me!”
“So, you smooched on the chief, didja’?” The man closest to us asked.
I looked at him. He was very young, maybe eighteen at most. Definitely a boy man. On his shirt read ‘KFD,’ and underneath that said ‘Apprentice.’ It made sense now. He looked way too young to be anything but an apprentice.
Ignoring his cheeky grin, I focused on the man whose eyes were misting. “How’re you feeling?”
Payton drew abreast with me and snuck her arm around my waist. I looked down at her, and she was smiling the brightest smile I’d seen yet.
The man cleared his throat twice before he was able to speak. “I’m great because of you two. Thank you. I’m not ready to leave this young woman yet.” He said as he ran his hand up and down his wife’s back reassuringly.
The man’s wife sniffled and stood, making her way to both of us. She stood incredibly close and looked at both of us before engulfing us in a mama bear hug. “That man is the love of my life. I don’t know what I would have done without Allen. You’ve saved the most important piece of me.”
I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before she backed away. Realizing I still held the flowers, I thrust them into her arms. “Your husband was buying these when he had to leave suddenly. So we brought them with us.”
“Oh, Allen. That was a sweet thing. What’s the occasion?” She asked sweetly.
A faint blush started at the base of his neck and engulfed his face. All of a sudden, he looked incredibly embarrassed, and I got the distinct feeling that he didn’t want to say this in front of his men, let alone at all.
“Allen.” Allen’s wife gasped in outrage. “You didn’t.”
“I couldn’t help it! Jesus, Linnie.” Allen said, while throwing his arm over his eyes.
We all stood in an awkward silence. Linnie’s head was thrown back, eyes on the ceiling, tapping her foot in exasperation. The men of the fire department stood around looking at each other, wondering what exactly to say.
“What exactly did you buy this time?” Linnie asked, eyes still on the ceiling.
“I’d rather not say.” He said roughly.
Linnie turned to us and finally explained. “Allen has a problem sleeping. Which, in turn, makes him watch TV at all hours of the night. Unfortunately, that’s when all those infomercials come on. Our house is filled with nothing but crap.”
Out of all the things I’d been imagining, infomercials never crossed my mind. “Well, I guess it’s better that it’s an infomercial problem rather than a porn problem.” I said helpfully.
“At least that would be beneficial in some way. You know, clearing the pipes and all that shit. Now he just gets exercise equipment that doesn’t work and household products that leave much to be desired. Last year, he bought me a miracle bra. One size fits all my entire ass. Do you think these would fit into a one size fits all?” She asked in exasperation.
Her hands left her boobs and she went to sit on the side of the bed. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and she glared daggers at Allen. “It’s not another Uroclub, is it?”
If I’d thought his face was red before, it really was now. Which made me incredibly curious. “What’s the Uroclub?”
“Well, apparently, when you’re golfing, sometimes the need to relieve yourself is too high. Therefore, the Uroclub has the perfect solution. You wrap a towel around your hips and piss into the golf club itself. It has a reservoir that allows you to put the lid on it and dump it out at your earliest convenience. Funny thing is, Allen here doesn’t even golf.” Linnie told us.
Raucous laughter poured out of everyone when she spilled that juicy bit and by the time all the Chief’s dirty little secrets were revealed, my sides burned. With promises to keep in touch, we left the gathering and went back to the car.
“I think I need to buy Max a potty putter. Do you think he’d like it? He spends a long time in the bathroom.” She asked with a smile.
“I don’t even know Jack that well, but I think it’d be a perfect Christmas gift for him. That and the Hawaii chair.” I answered, while navigating my way through the traffic.
We arrived at Free just in time, it seemed. Payton took my hand and led me through the front door of the office. Winding her way through the maze of rooms, past the garage bays, and finally to a back room.
The room was filled. Kids were running around screaming. The adults all stopped and stared as we came through the door. Beers and wine glasses were in hand. A stunning dark haired beauty that couldn’t have been more than three at the most came running up to me holding out her hand.
I took her tiny hand and shook it. “And who are you?”
“Cora. Does your vagina have a tail?” She asked innocently.
Chapter 5
It’s not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean. It’s whether the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.
-Life Lesson
Winter
“Umm, I’m not quite sure what you mean.” I said, completely dumfounded.
I looked around wondering if anyone else had a clue, and I saw a tall dark haired man in the corner glaring daggers at his boots. He was shaking his head looking pained. Ember was doubled over silently laughing her ass off. Apparently, someone knew what she’d meant.