Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81374 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81374 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Can I keep her safe? How can I, when Calum himself says there aren’t enough of us here to protect her?
“Fiona…” my voice trails off. She won’t talk to me. Won’t speak at all. I ask her questions and get mumbled, one-word answers. I let it go for now. We need to meet with Tiernan, need to make sure everyone’s safe.
We pack our things and go to the lobby. She goes straight to Tiernan and tells him about Sheena. Still, she won’t look at me.
“When do you go?” he asks, his face pained after talking to him about his sister.
“Need to go soon, don’t we?” I say. “Jesus, I hate to leave you like this, brother.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve one sister in Ballyhock that needs the other. Don’t think of me at a time like this. It’s the right decision, Lach.”
She still won’t look at me, and I don’t know if it’s my imagination, but when I reach for her hand she turns away. What’s going on with her? Is she pulling away from me? And if she is, why?
“I’ll have Aisling pack up my things,” she says in a distant voice.
“Fiona.”
“Aye?” Her gaze is over my shoulder.
“Look at me, love.”
She reluctantly obeys. But I don’t see the woman I’ve come to know, the woman I love. I see the broken girl I met in the dilapidated kitchen in Stone City five years ago. I reach for her, but she pulls away.
“Don’t, Lachlan. Don’t.”
“Why won’t you look at me?” I want to shake her until her teeth rattle. She’s everything to me, but she won’t even look my way.
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “I can’t explain it. But it seems everything I’ve feared is beginning to happen. And I don’t want… literally everything to vanish.”
I tried to let her go. I tried to let her find her way, to chase her dreams, and now I’m dragging her back to Ballyhock. I can’t help but blame myself for this.
I know that I’m to blame. I bloody know it.
“Don’t talk right now, Lach, please,” she whispers, but I don’t care. My only job right now is to protect her. Get her home. See to her safety and return to her family. I sigh. Where she belongs.
Chapter 17
Fiona
I feel like a complete fool and a total arse.
Lachlan came all the way from Ballyhock to me, to see to my safety and wellbeing. And now, I can barely stand to look at him.
What I can’t explain is that it isn’t him that’s to blame. It’s me.
I’ve suspected that I’m broken, that a part of me doesn’t work the way it’s meant to. And these past few days with Lachlan have confirmed just that.
He loves me, and I love him, but I’ll always be that broken girl from Stone City.
Can I really be whole again?
My poor sister’s mourning a devastating loss, and I’m here in Boston. I came this far to find myself and lost a part of myself along the way.
I’ve ruined everything. He deserves someone whole, unlike me. Someone who won’t hold him back with her endless doubts and fears. Someone older… more mature than I am.
I wish I had my phone. I wish I could talk to Megan.
Lachlan’s own cold resolve confirms my decision to pull back. To give him space. There’s a hard set about his jaw, and his eyes are dark and brooding. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but that would show that I care.
He asked me to trust him. Hell, I do. He hasn’t done anything but earn that trust. I’ll be forever grateful for everything he’s done for me.
I’ll never forget the triumphant look on his face when Calum pulled the trigger and killed my assailant, nor the way Tiernan was ready to shed blood just as easily. I love my brother and Lachlan, but they are ruthless killers. Joining myself to Lachlan only pulls me further in. I may never resurface. I sigh. I thought I’d made my peace with this.
Why do the wounds of my youth resurface now? Will I ever make my peace?
My heart is heavy. I’m submerged in a well of sadness I can’t escape. I watch as he makes plans for us to go home, to return to Ballyhock. I go along with him, unable to give voice to what I fear, what’s consuming me right now. I can tell my own reticence right now hurts him, and he’s responding with anger of his own.
“Right then,” he finally says. “We’re leaving in an hour.”
I feel like an utter failure. I got a scholarship here, came all the way to Boston to make something of myself, and I’m going home with my tail between my legs. Home to what? I can’t move back in with Sheena and Nolan. I can’t give myself fully to Lachlan, and that knowledge makes my heart grow heavy with dread.