Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 57043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57043 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
I park out by the road and go around the building to come in through the front. Before I get to the door, I force my best smile on and tilt my chin up. I'm happy today. I'm moving forward with my life. There’s nothing to talk about.
When I go into the bar, it's half full with people eating, talking, and drinking. I’m grateful for that. The music's quiet, like it always is in the afternoons, but there's a feeling of excitement, too. We're getting close to the holiday. I almost forgot that. The reminder is a blessing.
I feel him before I see him. All of my thoughts pause and for a moment I’m scared. Griffin's behind the counter. His eyes are on me the second the front door closes behind me, so I make a point of looking at him and smile. The skin around my eyes is all tight from crying, but I push through it.
Please don’t ask me. Just pretend.
Griffin smiles back, and I know just from the look on his face that he can see right through me.
Please don’t ask me. Just pretend.
He doesn't follow me to the break room this time. He's probably trying to give me some space, because he's a good man, and I know he heard me when I spoke to him last night. He's being careful with me. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to make it up to him.
I don’t know how yet but I know I need to. I don’t want to lose him.
With a steadying breath and a decision to have a good night at work regardless of everything else, I head out of the break room and throw myself into my shift. The habits of taking orders and refilling drinks and bringing out food help the time to pass. I catch Griffin looking at me once or twice and I smile at him both times. There’s a look in his eyes that makes me uneasy. I want him to lean over me and kiss me by the register with everybody only a few feet away. I want him to forget that I’m upset and just pretend like I do. This bar is my escape but tonight it doesn’t feel like it. Because of him.
It’s so fucking obvious how much I’ve fucked up. My hands go numb and it’s harder to go about the night, but I keep it moving and do my job.
Mary Sue comes in after a while and works a half shift. Patty's behind the bar, chatting people up and learning all the town gossip. It slows down for a while as the evening gets later, then gets busy again for a solid few hours. I've been up so late the last couple of nights that I feel almost wired by the time it hits midnight. People start to head out. Patty goes home.
There's a weird lull at one thirty when there's nobody in the bar, but we don't close for another ninety minutes. That's when I decide to take my break. I wash my hands in the bathroom and check my makeup, then go into the break room to catch my breath. And to not think. It's harder than I thought; I’m beginning to spiral. I'm overheating in my uniform and my heart is still aching and I wish I could be two places at once for Christmas and I feel bad for my mom and like I'll never make it up to her, and I can't stand it. But that’s what he wants right? For me to go to Christmas dinner. And if I could just do that maybe he’d stop looking at me like that.
My name on his lips startles the hell out of me.
“Renee.” With my hand on my chest in shock, Griffin stands in the doorway to the break room, looking handsome and worried and like a dream come true. “Do you want to pretend you're okay?”
It takes me a second to even register what he said. I blink at him, shocked, because that's exactly what I want to do. I want to pretend I'm okay until nothing bothers me anymore and all this is done and over with and I made it out just fine. Better than fine. I want to make it out with him still wanting me.
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Do you want to pretend you're not my boss?”
“Hell yes, I do.” Griffin kicks the door shut and comes toward me so fast that I barely get my chin tipped up before he gets there. His hands are all over me in a second, and his mouth is on mine. I get my fingers in his hair and feel him move against me.
Yes. Please. Please just love me right now.
The guilt I’ve felt all day slides away when he kisses me deeper. I’ve never felt so wanted. I kiss him back with everything that I have. Every ounce of gratitude and love. Love. Fuck, I know it’s love.