Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Oh, I hate what he did. How he let me think for all that time that I was still under evaluation. I hate that things weren’t simple.
But my heart won’t stop caring for him, despite his actions.
Mirelle shows up at my door to try to coax me out, but I’m still not ready. She drapes a shawl over my shoulders. “You should eat.” She has a container of fruit in her hand. She’s helped me settle into the dorm, bringing me some things from her own domicile to make it cheerier.
But I’m anything but happy.
I shake my head. “I’m not hungry. The idea of food makes me ill.”
She nods and places the box on a low table. “How can I help, then?”
“You can’t.” I rethink it. “You already are, just by caring. By being here with me. I am grateful for your friendship.”
She smiles briefly but then sighs. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine.” The words ring hollow, but underneath it is a truth. I will, in essence, be safe. I’m here on Zandia, after all, a free human, allowed to live and mate.
Too bad the only Zandian I care about betrayed me and pushed me to say such cruel things. If only there were a way to let him know I overreacted. That I didn’t mean those things. That I still do care.
But he walked away. He left me. The relationship is beyond saving.
So—fine I may be, but I have no joy. Not now. Maybe not ever.
“Maybe I was too hard on him.” I whisper the words that have troubled me from the second they burst forth from my lips. “I never even gave him a chance.”
“You were hurt. Angry.”
“Yes. Very.” I nod, vehemently. Then my voice cracks. “But I miss him so much. I do not think he is a bad being. He made mistakes.”
“Which you said you’d never forgive, as long as you live.”
“Don’t remind me.” I want to vomit. She doesn’t need to bring it up, because the words live in my head. I hear myself shouting them, over and over. “And now he probably hates me in return. I was so unkind to him.”
“Oh, Taisha.” Mirelle hugs me, and I let her. “It’s not easy.”
“No. It’s not.” I’m not sure if she means my life specifically, or all humans, or all beings who exist anywhere; it doesn’t matter—they’re all difficult.
“But I’m sure he still—” she breaks off as her comm flashes. “Uh oh. That’s the emergency signal.”
“The what?” Usually when her comm flashes, it’s important. But even when she’s been summoned to leave for a mission, she’s never reacted with this level of urgency. A spire of anxiety grows in my belly.
“I need to take this.” She jumps to her feet and touches her ear. “Master Seke? Yes. Yes, she’s here with me now. They said what? Oh, Mother Earth.” Her face grows pale and she looks at me, eyes widening. “I understand.”
She can’t stop staring at me.
I stand up and put my hand over my mouth, then squeeze my palms together. “What is it?”
She doesn’t answer. Just keeps looking at me, and her eyes well up with tears. “Yes, Master. I will be right there. And I will… bring her.”
She taps her comm and blinks hard. “Taisha… I don’t know how to say this.” She clears her throat. Takes my hand. “But it’s Master Seke. The Ocretions? They know you’re here. They’re demanding we give you back.”
* * *
Drayk
“Veck, veck, veck.” I punch the wall of my domicile hard enough to crack the smooth viridian stone. The pain in my flesh is a welcome distraction from the way my heart is tearing apart.
I reach out to attack the structure once more, then sink onto the hoverdisk. It still smells of her—Taisha. I growl and grab the soft blanket, twisting it in my fists.
“It was stupid to deny our bond.”
No one replies as I am alone. But the answer comes to me anyway. “I’m the stupid one.” I mutter it aloud.
It burns me to admit such a thing. A fighter, a soldier, a judicial expert… and an idiot.
Yes, that’s what I am.
I just wanted… I wanted to have it both ways: To be seen as impartial, to keep myself apart, isolated. To stay away from the emotions that I always thought would weaken me. And at the same time, to enjoy the body and spirit of the amazing human, Taisha. To allow myself the pleasures of bonding with another being. To use those very emotions I feared to make my life richer.
And now I’ve vecked up both things. Surely King Zander sees that I’m no match for the judicial system. And Taisha? Well, she said everything she needed to.
The hurt in her eyes, the way she looked at me? I’d do anything to turn back time. Change the way I handled everything.