Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 79870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
My first response was to be embarrassed, because wasn’t he attracted to me anymore? Then I was pissed, because how dare he reject me like that! But by the time he came out of the shower and climbed under the covers beside me, naked and damp, I was just worried about him.
Was this one of those let-down things, like when someone finally achieved a goal they’d been working toward for a long time and then didn’t know how to deal with the success? I’d heard of that happening. If ever there was a case that might fit, Kage’s was it.
Then again, maybe it was something altogether different than that. I thought maybe I should ask.
“Did something happen, Kage? After I came to the room?”
He shook his head. “I’m just tired. It took more out of me than I thought it would, fighting in the big ring like that. Hell of an adrenaline surge, I guess. I just feel tapped out.” He reached over and put a hand on my bare leg, massaged with his thumb. “You forgive me?”
His voice was vulnerable, worried.
“Of course,” I assured him.
“Just turn out the light and cuddle with me, okay? I just want to go to sleep holding you.”
I did as he asked and clicked off the dim bedside lamp. We went to sleep with only the glow from the bathroom to illuminate us.
If the UFC fight and the no post-fight sex had been the only two firsts, I would have felt a lot better. Unfortunately, his first nightmare came in the middle of the night, and it was not pretty.
I don’t know how long he had been mumbling when consciousness finally gained a foothold in my mind, but the sound gave me chills the second I heard it. For a second, it sounded like a child, words alternated with a breathy, distressed whimper. I blinked in the almost-darkness and listened, trying to make out the words.
“Can’t… Don’t make me…I don’t want to.” He was begging someone to not make him do something, that much was clear. What an awful nightmare he must have been having.
I reached out to touch him, and his skin was slick with perspiration. Not normal night sweating, but profuse sweating like you get during physical exertion. His hair was damp and the pillow was drenched. This was especially strange because I was huddled under the blanket, and the hotel air conditioning still had me shivering.
“Kage.” I nudged him gently, not wanting to scare him. I really wanted to hear more of what he was saying, because I knew most of the time it was hard to recall dreams. If I could get a good idea of exactly what was going on in his head before I woke him, it would probably help him to remember. I didn’t stop to analyze why I thought he needed to remember it. Some nightmares were just that— nightmares. This one seemed significant.
I reached over and turned on the lamp, then I shook him harder. He stopped whimpering, and his eyes flew open.
“Jamie?” He had a wild look, like he was still trying to figure out what was real and what was dream.
I smoothed the wet tendrils of his hair off of his forehead. “I’m here. You were having a bad dream. Do you remember it?”
He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything.
“Why do I get the impression there’s something you’re not telling me?”
Still he kept his silence.
“I heard words, Kage. Begging. Were you dreaming about something that really happened to you?”
“It’s not anything you need to worry about, okay? I used to have nightmares all the time when I was a kid. I don’t have them anymore.”
“Well, I’ve got news for you. That thing you just had was a nightmare, and it wasn’t a normal one. Do you feel how much you’re sweating? You were terrified.”
“It’s nothing. Just go back to sleep. I’d take a sleeping pill if I could, but I’m still considered in competition until twelve hours after the fight. You’re just gonna have to deal. Do you want me to go sleep on the floor?
“No, I don’t want you anywhere but here. Just tell me. Is it just a nightmare, or is it something real? Please, Kage. Let me in. I want to know you. Please.”
“You know enough,” he said. “More than anybody else, okay?”
“Maybe I can help you. Let me share your burden. You sounded so scared, and I feel so fucking helpless right now.”
He wrapped an arm around my neck and rolled me smoothly under him, buried his face in the hollow at the side of my throat and let out the most anguished cry I’d ever heard. Tears squeezed from the corners of my eyes just for him and whatever torment he was trying to push through. I was torn up for him, but I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. He pushed up between my legs, I just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted.