Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
I take in her words and had I not seen Nathan, I’d take her advice in a minute. Shit, I’d be walking around right by her side this entire time, forcing the nerves down and doing what I need to in order to get my career on the right track. But the nerves reeling through me don’t have a damn thing to do with work. It hasn’t even been a blip on my radar since I saw him.
I fiddle with my phone and debate on how to tell her. It’s eating me alive and I can’t keep hiding.
“Who texted you?” she asks but doesn’t wait for an answer before snatching the phone from my hand. It’s the first time I’ve moved from her bed, hopping off but not bothering to reach out and take it. The defense is a natural one, but Lydia can take the damn phone if she wants.
“Are you mad that your mom is still being … well, your mom?” she asks me after glancing at the text. Her voice holds nothing but concern and sympathy. My mother told me good luck, but added how worried she is. I’ll be lucky if she lets me leave the house again when I go home after shooting wraps up. This isn’t the life she had in mind for me and she’s uncomfortable. But she won’t hold me back. It’s obvious she doesn’t support my decision though.
I take the damn phone from her and lay back onto the bed.
“No, I knew she’d be like this.” I don’t blame my mom; it’s just something she has to accept. She will. I have faith.
I cover my face with my hands. I don’t have time for this stress and everything that’s going on around me. It all needs to just stop. The memory of what happened that night keeps replaying in my mind. The sound keeps echoing in my head. It just won’t stop. Nathan’s a reminder of that night and I can’t separate the two right now.
The bed dips as Lydia sits down next to me. “Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you, Harlow.” She puts both hands on her tanned knees and stares straight ahead before looking back at me. “This is fucking hard, but you need to get your ass out there and network. You need to be out there.” She stresses each word, the savvy business side of her coming to the forefront.
“I, seriously, am not okay,” I start to tell her, searching for the right words.
“Knock it off,” Lydia says with a strength I wasn’t expecting. “You are not going to give this up. Grab a hold of your big girl panties …”
“I used to be with Nathan Hart,” I interrupt her, spilling my secret and holding my breath as she stops midword and registers what I’ve told her.
Her words come out slowly as she says, “You … used to date … Nathan Hart.”
Pulling my knees into my chest, I nod my head. It’s so much more than that though. We share a secret that was never told. A crime committed that was never given justice. And we’re the guilty ones.
I can’t speak. I can’t start telling our tale. It was ten years ago and during high school. A short burst of puppy love maybe. But it’s not the beginning that makes me hesitant to talk. It’s how we ended and knowing I can never tell a soul what happened.
That night has never left me.
“Shut up!” Lydia squeals with a smile plastered on her face. She obviously can’t read the thoughts going on in my head. She’s oblivious to how nauseated I feel as she grips my arm and shakes me. “Tell me everything.”
A moment passes in silence. I can’t tell her shit. I’ve never told a soul, just like Nathan commanded.
I fell in love with a boy who broke my heart. That’s about as simple as it gets and avoids the truth of the dark secret we share. It downplays my role and the guilt that will always stay with me.
I lick my lips as tears prick the back of my eyes and that’s when Lydia seems to realize this isn’t some childish retelling of a one-night stand.
“There’s nothing to tell other than that … we used to date back in high school and it ended horribly.”
“That would be an interesting little tidbit to be leaked to the papers,” Lydia arches a brow as she suggests the worst possible circumstances.
“No!” I’m quick to end that thought right where it begins and my immediate reaction has her raising her hands in defense. Fear is the overwhelming emotion. No one can know. “I don’t want anyone to know.”
He literally told me to forget his name. Every time I think about contacting him and just saying hello, I hear his words in my head. I don’t want this getting out and him thinking I had anything to do with it. I can keep it polite, cordial, professional. Or at least that’s the goal.