Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118125 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 591(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118125 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 591(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Damon let his gaze drift over the lines of Rian’s face, the tentative hopefulness in his eyes, the way this moment seemed to tremble as breathlessly as Rian’s lashes.
“What’re you trying to tell me, Ri?” he whispered.
“I’m saying...” Rian bit his lip. “Somehow you just...you got inside me. And in all this push and pull and conflict between us, it’s like when the wounds healed over they sealed you inside me until you’re just...there. And you feel right, as long as you’re there...but it would hurt to try to cut you out.”
Those compelling eyes, those soft words, seemed to ask Damon for something—something deep, something fragile, something that was as hidden and personal as the heart of this tree that had been cut open...and for a moment, just a moment, Damon wanted to pull back. To shut down, to stop talking, to not risk that when he knew how the hell he and Rian clashed and fought and hurt each other, except...
Catching a breath, he looked away from Rian, letting his gaze be captured by the tree once more, turning his thoughts over.
But not letting go of Rian’s hand.
Because all those wounds were as much his fault as Rian’s.
The way he locked up inside himself, and wouldn’t let anyone else in.
Because letting them in meant letting them close enough to hurt.
Meant holding on to something hard enough that he could only feel loss, if he had to let it go.
“I think, sometimes...” He stopped, swallowing, his mouth and throat dry. “Sometimes you meet someone, and you just know. This person could be everything...or they could goddamn well wreck you. Worse than anyone else ever could, because the feeling runs that deep.” So deep that when he curled his fingers more firmly in Rian’s, he felt like he could sense Rian’s heartbeat pulsing in his fingertips, echoing Damon’s own. “But you get so scared, you know? Fucking terrified of getting wrecked like that. So before you find out if it could be good...you run like hell from the chance that it could be bad. And if there’s nowhere for you to run, you fucking push. You push and push and push them away, so they can’t get close enough to hurt you in all the ways you know they could.” He let out that breath he’d inhaled, chest binding up tight. “And the whole damned time you’re hurting them in all the ways you never wanted to be, ’cause maybe for them...you’re the person who scares them, too.”
That remained between them, the night still save for the distant murmurs of birds in the trees, the rustle of insects through the leaves. Then Rian shifted to lean against him, solidarity and understanding in the pressure of that thin shoulder against Damon’s arm.
“Is that what we’ve been doing?” Rian asked.
“Yeah. I think it is.”
“Then...what do you want to do about it?”
“Stop hurting each other.” Damon turned his head, looking down at Rian—and his mouth went dry for an entirely different reason as he took in how pretty Rian was, resting so easily and so trustingly against him. “We keep hurting each other trying not to want each other...so why’d we get so wrapped up in trying not to want each other, huh?”
“Stubbornness. Pride,” Rian murmured. “Or maybe like you said...fear. But I already know the ways we can hurt each other. What do I have to be afraid of anymore?”
“It could get worse,” Damon pointed out reluctantly.
“Or it could get better.” Rian smiled—a small, wondering thing, and yet it pulled Damon’s heart on a string. “Nobody can hurt me the way you do because nobody makes me feel the way you do, Damon. Period.” He turned to face Damon fully, resting his free hand to Damon’s chest, that pale thing like a butterfly alighting, so fragile and yet seeming to anchor Damon to earth as Rian looked at him with his head cocked, that strange smile lingering. “So let’s stop pushing each other away...and start pulling each other closer. Admit it. When we stop fighting...we’re good together.”
“I’m not gonna lie and say we’re not.” Damon slid his free arm around Rian’s waist, pulling him close, savoring how Rian came to him so easily, swaying against him. “You and me, the way we worked with Chris...makes us feel like we’re already family.”
“And family’s important to you...isn’t it?”
“One of the most important things in the world.”
“Then I know what you’re saying, when you tell me I feel like family.” Rian leaned into him, resting his brow to Damon’s, so sweetly close. “And... I just...thank you. Thank you for...for giving that to me.”
“Do you know what I mean, though? Do you really?”
Rian’s brows knit; he drew back together just enough for hazel eyes to flick over Damon’s face. “Am... I missing something? Did I say something wro—”