Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79892 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79892 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Because Iseya was holding him up.
And he let out a shaky sound, and buried his face in Iseya’s chest.
He’d never been more aware of how tall Iseya was than now; Summer himself wasn’t short, five foot eleven, but Iseya had at least four or five inches on him—and the professor rested his chin lightly to the top of Summer’s head, making him feel enveloped, sheltered, wrapped up in a safe space that shut out all the senseless things that made his mind and body think he was in danger in the most mundane situations.
He hated his anxiety.
He hated it so, so damned much.
But he didn’t hate this.
The warmth and firmness of Iseya’s chest against his cheek, the breadth of his shoulders, the fresh-washed scent of his clothing and the soothing warmth of his body heat soaking into Summer. Long, strong hands against his back, fingers splayed, holding him, capturing him, gripping just enough to remind him he was solid and real and not this strange ghost disconnected from his panicking body.
He could breathe, now.
It still hurt, stitching his ribs strangely, every breath like ice water, but...
He could breathe.
There was enough air, and he no longer felt like he was about to pass out, his heart rate finally starting to slow down to normal levels and even out until its beats came in steady rhythm again.
But it skipped once more, startled and erratic, as Iseya said, “I’m sorry.”
Barely a whisper, more felt ghosting against Summer’s hair in warm breath, slithering down the curve of his ear, his neck, into his collar; felt rumbling in the chest beneath his clenched hands, his cheek.
He had to swallow multiple times before he could speak; before he could even find words, past the sluggish clouds that always seeped into his brain after an anxiety attack.
“Wh-why are you apologizing?” he managed to falter out weakly.
“Because I let myself get angry enough to goad you,” Iseya said, and for a moment his arms tightened around Summer, a gentle grasp that gathered him in closer. “I know the markers of anxiety as well as I know any other condition. And I should not have agreed to let you do something so drastic that would trigger yours, when I knew you weren’t ready to lead the class.”
Summer bit his lip, hunching his shoulders. “I... I v-volunteered.”
“You did,” Iseya agreed. “But I am still your senior, and it was my responsibility to stop you.”
“No...it wasn’t.” Summer had said he could do it, and he...he needed Iseya to trust that when Summer said he could do something, he meant it—and he would have to pace himself more in the future, make sure he could hold his commitments. But still... “But...thank you for caring.”
Maybe...maybe it wasn’t Iseya’s responsibility, to know Summer’s limits.
But...it meant something, that Iseya cared about pushing them.
Iseya said nothing, though.
But...
He didn’t let Summer go.
And Summer wondered how long this would last, wondered how long he could hold on to it, when he’d wanted for so long to know how it would feel to rest against Iseya’s chest and listen to the sound of his heart moving deep and strong inside his chest.
He closed his eyes and sank into that sound, letting it soothe him until he timed his breaths by it, and slowly it felt as though his heart moved into line with it, taking calm, taking strength.
And after several long minutes, Iseya asked, “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.” Summer smiled wistfully. “I’m...sorry I made you angry. Guess I didn’t earn that kiss after all.”
“We shall call that one free.” And Iseya actually chuckled—a soft-vibrating sound of sand and sugar and dark chocolate, a thing that seemed to stroke over Summer’s skin, shaking him gently with the movement of Iseya’s shoulders. “Are you really so very desperate for a kiss from me that you will step head-first into an anxiety attack?”
“Does that really piss you off so much that you’ll actually let me make you angry?”
“It confuses me,” Iseya said, a note of frustration in his voice. “I don’t understand what makes you so persistent.”
“Then you don’t understand what I like about you.”
How could Summer stand here in Iseya’s arms, listening to the lulling rhythm of his heartbeat, and say these things so simply, so easily, as if they were intimate secrets between them...
But he couldn’t even introduce himself to a class of teenage boys?
It didn’t make sense.
But somehow, around Iseya...
Everything made sense.
Everything felt right, and calm...as if Iseya’s steady calm was an aura that soothed the entire world around him, settling the ripples of the pond of life into calm stillness.
And Summer wanted to hold on to it for just a little while longer, before Iseya iced over again and pushed him away.
But Iseya only sighed, his chest rising and falling heavily underneath Summer’s cheek. “Very well, you bizarrely impudent monster,” he said flatly. “I will agree to your...utterly nonsensical terms and conditions.”