Total pages in book: 19
Estimated words: 18063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 90(@200wpm)___ 72(@250wpm)___ 60(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 18063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 90(@200wpm)___ 72(@250wpm)___ 60(@300wpm)
Nothing.
Turning, I saw that he was standing there with his mouth open.
“What?”
“As God is my witness, I have no idea what to say.”
“You have no thoughts on that?” I goaded him.
“I… what did your commanding officer have to say about that?”
“She said that being hypervigilant was not necessarily a bad thing if it kept our unit from being attacked and killed,” I explained. “She also said that if we weren’t all narcissists, then we would think that anyone could do what we do, which ain’t necessarily so.”
“Certainly.”
“And she went on to state that the only danger I could put myself in was not following orders when I’m specifically told to prioritize myself above others.”
It took a minute before I realized he’d gone quiet again, and I turned to look at him.
“You didn’t understand what she meant by that, did you?” He sighed, and his gaze, as he looked at me, was kind.
“Not so much, no.”
“That’s because in all areas of your life you put others before yourself.”
“Because that’s the job.”
“But sometimes you need to think about yourself first.”
“I don’t see when that would be applicable.”
“Is it so hard to imagine such a scenario?”
“Yeah,” I responded truthfully.
“Why? Is it because everyone is more valuable than you?”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. I don’t have a family. There’s no one who loves me.”
He exhaled like it hurt. Like someone had punched him in the gut. “You––”
“No,” I began, cutting him off, “wait. I don’t mean like ‘oh poor me, nobody fuckin’ cares about me’ martyr bullshit. What I mean is, when I’m deployed, I’m solely focused on the guys in front of me. They’re all that matter. They’re all I care about. There’s no one left behind, no one at home waitin’ for me to get back off the plane.”
“But there should be,” he husked, dark gray gaze meeting mine, “you deserve that. Deserve to have someone waiting.”
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does, and I think despite your protests and lone-wolf persona, you––”
“My lone-wolf what?”
“You’ve shown me a great deal of compassion this evening, and you certainly didn’t have to. I’m nothing to you. We’ve only just met.”
“Yeah, I––”
“But you checked on me, calmed me down, then purposely baited me, winding me up so I was ready to stand my ground with anyone who crossed my path, and then left, certain that I would do okay on my own. Is that what you do in your unit? Are you the guy who checks on everyone else? Because if you do, that’s what whoever did the psych eval meant. That you put others before yourself to your own detriment because you care so very deeply.”
“Of course I care,” I retorted. “Those are the guys in my unit. I have to make sure they get home, and when you lose somebody it’s––”
“Doubly hard for you because there’s no one waiting at home to hug you tight and tell you that you too deserved to come home. That’s a lot of survivor’s guilt there that you’re pushing off to the side.”
Oh, I so did not need him trying to tell me about my life. “Listen,” I nearly snarled at him. “Don’t take me apart, all right? I don’t fuckin’ like it.”
“I wasn’t,” he apprised me, his tone hard, stern. “I was trying to let you know that you’re not at all what I thought you were and I’m terribly impressed!” he ended with a shout.
This was new. “You are?”
“Yes,” he replied, sounding really aggravated. “You’re a very caring person!”
Of course there’d been a slight lull, so everybody around us heard him practically yell out that compliment.
“Oh… no,” he moaned, turning his back on the crowd, clearly mortified.
I smiled and then took that moment to check back on Hannah, who was rushing across the ballroom toward one of the exits.
Instantly, I was moving, bolting around the edge of the crowd, catching up with her the moment she went through the door.
Grabbing her bicep, I spun her around to face me. “The hell are you doing?”
“They have David,” she yelled, yanking her arm from my grasp and charging down the carpeted hallway after the three men dragging her friend away.
As I ran after the fleeing men, I was torn. Hannah was my priority, and right now, she was safe. Technically, this was the end of my involvement. I could tackle her to the ground, keep her there, and send the cops after her friend and be well within my mandate. Her parents would appreciate me keeping her safe, and so would Mr. Sutter. The issue was Hannah herself. She would never forgive me if I didn’t do everything in my power to help her friend. And that shouldn’t have mattered, but at some point in the past two years, the young woman who drove me bananas had become one of the most important people in my life. I couldn’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t know her, and this moment, right now, was pivotal.