Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm)
From: James Grayson
To: Luke Whitford
Dec 28
Got it.
Chapter 19
James lay in the darkness of his bedroom, thinking of Luke’s words. Luke likely knew what he was talking about. Luke really had far more experience with men and relationships than him. And maybe the fact that James had known Ryan for so long was actually a hindrance.
James sighed. He was coming to realize Ryan wasn’t the only one having trouble adjusting to the changes in their relationship. He had the same problem. He had expected Ryan to behave exactly the same way as he always did, and it was stupid. He had thought he understood Ryan better than anyone, and while it might be true, he was coming to realize that Ryan might be a different man when it came to sex and relationships. He was starting to understand that he wasn’t dealing just with his best friend anymore.
There was conflict in Ryan. On one hand, there was the man who had always been his rock—someone who was always there for him, someone closer than a brother. On the other hand, there was the hard-eyed man who was pissed off by the whole situation and rightfully blamed him for losing the woman he loved. While that man still had his best friend’s affection for him, he seemed to resent it, and that affection was twisted into something else. That man had no qualms about using Jamie’s mouth or avoiding him after shagging him, even though Ryan must know how much that would hurt and confuse him.
James sighed again, his thumb hovering over Ryan’s name in his contacts list. He had been determined to give Ryan space to figure out what he wanted, but after three days of silence James couldn’t take it any longer. Once and for all, he had to know where they stood.
He touched the Call button and brought the phone to his ear. One ring. Another. A third. Followed by a fourth, and then a fifth.
He was starting to think Ryan wouldn’t answer when he finally did.
“Jamie.”
James shivered at the sound of Ryan’s low voice. “Hey,” he said, his stomach doing a little flip-flop. He told himself it was silly. It was just Ryan. There was no reason to feel so bloody nervous. But now, in the darkness and silence of the room, he couldn’t help but remember what had happened three days ago. Heat rushed to his groin. He blushed as he remembered how shamelessly he had behaved.
The silence stretched, becoming strained. God, he would give anything to know what Ryan was thinking right now.
James licked his dry lips. “You haven’t called.”
“Neither have you,” Ryan said.
Another long, strained silence.
James cringed. “Is it going to be this awkward from now on?”
“Of course it will be awkward,” Ryan said tersely. “That’s why you shouldn’t have done it.”
“Me?” Despite his earlier words to Luke that he was the one to blame, James didn’t feel like Ryan was being entirely fair. He bit out, “I wasn’t the only one there.”
Ryan laughed softly. “Let’s not kid ourselves, Jamie. You could probably get me to murder someone if you gave me the eyes and asked nicely enough.”
Jamie laughed. “Come on, you’re exaggerating.”
“I wish,” Ryan said, a hint of self-deprecation and resentment appearing in his voice—again.
And James had had enough. Anger flared inside him, so intense that for a moment he couldn’t breathe. “If you’re so sick of me, you’re free to fuck off. I’m not forcing you to stick around. Piss off!” He hung up, breathing hard.
The phone rang.
He thought of ignoring it, but he knew Ryan. It was impossible to out-stubborn him. He picked up and snapped, “What?”
“You’re not serious,” Ryan said.
“I’m very serious,” James said, his voice shaking with anger. “You’re free to reunite with your girlfriend and live your merry life. I won’t bother you with my stupid, unrequited feelings anymore.” He hung up again and pressed the heels of his hands to his stinging eyes. Goddammit.
The phone went off again.
“Jamie,” Ryan said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m done being ridiculous,” James said. “I’m done feeling guilty for my feelings. I’m sick of it.” He swallowed the thick lump in his throat. Why was it so hard to say all of this? Deep down, he’d known it was coming. “I wish it didn’t come to this. But let’s face it: it isn’t working. It never will. I can’t change how I feel, and you can’t, either. It’s now obvious that we can’t be just friends and we can’t be lovers—we can’t be anything.” James took a deep breath to steady his voice. He wasn’t sure how successful he was. “I think—I think we should go our separate ways before we start hating each other.”
“You can’t do this,” Ryan said. “Don’t do this, Jamie. Not over the fucking phone. Let’s meet—”
James closed his eyes. “And then what?”