Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
"I like it here," he says with another yawn as he kicks off his shoes before climbing into the bed unprompted.
"I like it here, too," I tell him as I do the same, lying on top of the covers after he pulls them up to his chin.
"When do I leave to go back to the hole?"
My heart stops with his question.
I want to grill him, ask a million questions, and demand to know the details, but I also know that I'm not qualified to do any of that. It makes me once again feel completely helpless where he's concerned. I'm terrified of what additional damage I can cause.
"What's the hole?" I ask because I don't not want to know what he's talking about.
"It's what Mr. Mean called my bedroom."
"You never have to go back to the hole," I tell him with confidence.
"I like this bedroom," he says looking at the wall with the window. "I didn't have a window in my old room."
"Would you like me to open the curtains?"
I'm off the bed in a flash when he dips his head, and I spend a second trying to take a deep breath before turning back around to him, swiping at a tear that feels the need to roll down my face.
Just when I think I can't hate Damien more, I feel another wave of animosity toward him.
"Can I play with the trains after my nap?"
"Of course," I tell him as I turn back toward him. "Is it okay if I nap with you?"
He smiles, holding the covers up for me to join him.
As tired as I am, I can't seem to fall asleep. I know it's my soul that's exhausted more than my body. Much like Eli, I've lived in this constant state of upheaval, unsure of what was going to happen next. I imagine Damien had instructions for whoever Mr. Mean was to cause as much mental damage to Eli as Damien caused to me, keeping me frazzled and unsure of what was going to happen next. He liked the power in it and flexed it often.
I stay beside Eli as he sleeps, the open curtain giving me a good view of his adorable face. I curse Damien's soul in hell when I see the bruise on his angelic face. He twitches some in his sleep, as if he's trying to get away from someone, but, eventually, he falls completely still, the deep sleep he's under finally giving him a reprieve from the things that haunt him.
I climb out of the bed, careful not to wake him, and I spend a few minutes staring down at him and vowing to make all the bad things that he's endured up to him. The rest of our lives will look nothing like the first seven years he has been on earth.
I tiptoe out of the room and startle to see Nolan sitting against the wall right outside of the room.
"What's wrong?" I ask, my heart racing at the sight of him.
"Nothing," he says as he stands. "I wanted to be nearby if either of you needed anything."
Such a simple answer that encompasses so much care and attention. It's much more than I deserve, honestly, but I'm not going to turn my nose up at the concern in his eyes. I can't recall another time in my life when someone was so willing to forgo their own comfort to help me.
I know we need to have a very long and serious conversation about what happens going forward, but I don't want to taint the look in his eyes right now with that mess. I'm not exactly putting my head in the sand here, but there will be time tomorrow when we can talk.
I don't know what staying here looks like. Do I share a room with Eli? Does Nolan want me in the room with him? Is there an us?
"Hey," he says as he takes a step forward, his hand automatically going to my cheek so I can't look away from him. "What are these for?"
He swipes his thumb across the tears leaking down my face.
"I feel like I'm going insane," I confess. "I have everything I want but I don't know how long I'll get to keep any of it. I worry that in the next breath, the rug will be ripped out from under me, and there's nothing that I can do to stop it."
"There's no rug," he whispers.
"There is."
"Then tell me your concerns, and we'll work through them together."
As much as I didn't want to have this conversation now, it seems it's unavoidable. I start with the simplest one, pointing over my shoulder. "Someone lost their room, didn't they? For Eli to have this room right beside yours. Will they be mad?"
"Jersey willingly gave up his room for our son. You have nothing to worry about. What else?"