Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Does he hate me?
Does he have so many regrets from that day?
Were there days when the pain was so immense that missing out on death seemed like a real loss?
I've dreamed about the life we could've had if things were different, if I were born into a different family where someone loving me wasn't punishable by death.
I've dreamed of us having Eli and many more kids, because in my perfect world, I didn't nearly bleed out after giving birth. I didn't lose my uterus. I'd always seen it as a blessing. No uterus meant no heir for Damien. He mostly left me alone, something I've been grateful for. With Nolan here, it's as if I'm suffering the loss all over again.
"I don't know if this is such a good idea," he says, still undecided. "If I get into that bed..."
"I know," I say. "But we could just sleep."
He scoffs as if that's the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard, and I know exactly how he's feeling. My skin is itching for the brush of his fingers. My lips tingle from the need of his to be pressed against them.
I'm cold without the warmth of his body against mine, and it feels like the chill is spreading deeper and deeper, making me more antsy as he just stands there staring down at me.
I can tell he wants me. The evidence is right there at damn near eye level, but I can't negate the sting of him struggling so hard with the decision.
It makes me feel like a failure, as if I've hurt him so badly that he can't stomach the idea of touching me, no matter how his body is responding.
"It's okay," I whisper, but before I can drop the sheet and comforter back down, he grabs the corner of it and climbs into the bed with me.
Chapter 25
Jericho
I'm in so much fucking trouble.
I knew it before I got into bed with her. It's what caused the hesitation in the first fucking place.
I've always been a man capable of stopping and taking a breath, working out how different scenarios have different endings, but Aspen has always fried that part of my brain. With her, I've always struggled to analyze outcomes. My body craves hers. It always has, and her betrayal, the one that doesn't seem as sharp and painful right now, doesn't seem to matter.
I know this doesn't fix anything long term. This isn't a solution to a single damn thing as far as the future goes, but I can't seem to resist the urge to be right next to her.
We're safe here, so I can't blame my proximity on needing to protect her.
My body aches for her in a way it never has with any other woman who came before her or the ones who came after.
She changed everything for me all those years ago and it seems I still haven't fully recovered from it.
I'm in the bed, lying on my back and staring up at the ceiling, but we haven't touched each other yet.
I know where this goes. I know it's only a matter of minutes before we touch, and once we cross that line, I'm going to lose all damn control of my mind. She’ll own it all, just like she did all those years ago. I can try to fight that pull but the time for action was when I came out of the bathroom.
If I had any chance of making things different, it would've been me getting dressed and leaving this room. The second I stepped up to the edge of the bed, the outcome was already written in stone.
I could argue in my head that I can have a taste of her again and still have the ability to walk away, but I know better. I knew when I laid eyes on her for the first time in that alley, before she walked away, that I was still in her fucking web, just as I know there's a very real chance I'll always hate her a little for the control she has always had over me.
Unlike years ago, she makes the first move, placing her warm hand over my heart, and I swear the damn thing grows in strength, pulsing harder as if trying to break past my ribs and reach for her touch.
The second I feel her lips press against my bare arm, it's over. I know there's no turning back. I shove away all the doubts and all the whispers in my mind telling me this is just too dangerous to survive. With her near, the scent of her skin all over my bed, I can't resist. When I turn over to face her, dropping my hand on her hip, I realize I don't even want to try.
I want my mouth on her skin.