Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 67355 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67355 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 269(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
“Why? Because you were ashamed to be with the fat black girl.”
“If I had a problem with your weight, we wouldn’t be here right now. And as for you being black, I’m a lot of things Zora, but a racist isn’t one of them. You saw the kind of people in my circle back then. Can you honestly say those are the people you wanted to hang out with?”
When put like that, he had a point. The Clique, was a superficial bunch of creeps who cared about status and who had the latest handbag or new pair of kicks.
“You’re probably right but you didn’t have to tell people to not be my friend.”
“I never told anyone not to be your friend. I admit there were a few guys I discouraged from sniffing around you but if anyone else decided not to be your friend based on how I felt about it are those the types of friends you actually wanted.”
“You sound like my father,” I sigh.
“Sounds like he’s a wise man. And if I remember correctly, you had a friend. That girl you always hung out with Lisa was her name I think.”
“Lea.” Lea and I are still friends although we weren’t as close as we had been in high school, mainly because we both had busy lives.
“Do you still keep in contact with her?”
“Yes, we’re supposed to meet up for lunch next week. We try to meet up when I visit Champion.”
“She still lives in this town?”
“She’s about a half hour away from here.” On graduation night she hooked up with Hans Rodgers, her crush and just before she went off to college, she found out she was pregnant. She ended up deferring college and staying home to take care of the twin boys she had.
She and Hans got married but they were divorced within two years. Now she was recently remarried and had a baby girl.
“I’m glad the two of you are still in contact. For what it’s worth, I never meant to isolate you or tell people not to be your friend.”
A lump forms in my throat. It’s not a apology but be it’s something, I guess. But I can’t help but ask, “Why? Why did you go out of your way to antagonize me.”
“If I told you, I don’t think you’d believe me.”
“Try me.”
He’s silent for a moment until finally saying. “Not now, Zora let me enjoy this moment.”
Why do I feel like he’s hiding something from me? But one of the rules of therapy is not to prod and when the time comes, if he wants to share whatever it is he will.
“Could you at least tell me how long you intend to keep this arrangement going? This thing can’t last forever.”
“That’s what you think.”
“Be serious, Jackson.”
“I am being serious. This will be over when I say it is.”
“So my life is just supposed to be on hold until you get tired of this game?”
“This isn’t a game, Zora. Perhaps you need another reminder.”
He lifts my leg and eases himself back into me.
I gasp as he stretches me to the hilt once again.
This man is going to be the death of me.
18
JACKSON
“Hi, you’ve reached Zora. I’m not available to take your call right now but if you leave your name, number and a brief message. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
I grit my teeth in frustration. This is my 10th call within the last half hour and it’s gone straight to voicemail.
I feel like a goddam stalker. I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to this. Zora told me she had a couple of sessions with her client today and wanted to do them in the privacy of one of the local library’s conference rooms.
That was hours ago. I should have heard back from her by now. I’m tempted to go look for her.
This obsession has gotten out of control.
Being with Zora is everything I could have possibly imagined and more. However, I thought being with her would sooth this beast within me, this total need to constantly be around her, to hold and touch her. But the more time I spend with her, the more I need her.
Only when I’m inside of her do I feel whole. Seeing her face brightens my day but when she isn’t around, I can barely concentrate. She infiltrates my brain and takes over my every waking thought.
Is this what love is? I don’t really know what that is because I’ve learned that everything, I care about gets taken away from me. So maybe admitting to these feelings I have toward her would put me at risk for losing her as well.
What made these feelings even scarier is knowing she’s only with me because I helped her family out.
After our first night together, I kept my end of the bargain and set about paying off her father’s debts. I could have easily set up an account to transfer funds to in order for her to handle it but I wanted to maintain my leverage over her. The second thing I did was pay off the mortgage and put a lien on the deed in my name.