Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Jake stared right through me when he took them and corrected her. “My girlfriend. Thanks.”
Ouch.
We hadn’t said anything to each other on our way up to the room. Normally, whenever we were in an elevator, Jake would start cracking jokes about our first experience together in one. But tonight, he didn’t say a word. Something was upsetting him.
The suite was small but nice, decorated in cozy warm colors. It had a smaller bedroom off of the main room and a kitchenette. The hotel had set up a crib in the second bedroom for A.J.
I had to feed him before putting him down, so I warmed a small jar of pureed carrots in the microwave.
“Let me do that,” Jake said curtly, grabbing the carrots. “Go take a shower.”
He seemed tense.
“Okay.”
As the water beat down on me, I kept thinking about how his mood seemed to have dampened compared to earlier in the day and how the word “girlfriend” had rolled off of his tongue with disdain down in the lobby. I hoped that tonight I could undo some of the damage my actions had caused these past couple of months.
When I exited the bathroom, the steam poured into the bedroom as I held the small towel tightly over my chest, barely able to wrap it around me. My breasts were full, needing to be emptied since A.J. was overdue for his nighttime feeding.
Jake had finished giving him the carrots and had laid a now sleeping A.J. back down in the car seat carrier, so I’d have to wake him up at some point to nurse before putting him in the crib.
Jake sat on the edge of the bed watching me as I struggled to hold the small white hotel towel closed while I walked over to the overnight bag to grab my pajamas. I could feel him following my every move. I started making my way over to the bathroom to change. As I was entering the doorway, he came up from behind and put his hand on my arm, stopping me.
His voice was gruff. “Where are you going?”
I leaned my back against the sink. “I was going to change in here.”
“Away from me? Why don’t you want me looking at you anymore? You never used to hide from me like that.”
I swallowed nervously, not knowing how to answer. I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt him. “I…guess it’s just a habit.”
That wasn’t an answer, and I knew it. There was no good excuse. I had just become used to hiding myself from him lately because I was still self-conscious about my body. He thought it was more that that. I looked into his eyes and saw that the fear I had instilled in him was very much alive and well. One day of my acting normal, telling him things were getting better—even if I meant it—could not suddenly undo weeks of denying him, shutting him away, not even letting him touch me. For the first time, I really saw how deeply I had fucked him up…fucked us up.
“It wasn’t a conscious thing, Jake. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He lowered his head onto my breasts and let out a long deep breath through the towel over my skin, holding me against the sink. “Well, I didn’t mean to let it show…how badly you hurt me. I’m sorry. It’s just that you hid yourself from me just now and I thought…that meant…it was back again.”
“You have every right to be angry.”
He didn’t respond.
He wouldn’t look at me. His head was still buried in my chest. His breathing was rapid and my legs began to quiver because I wanted him badly. “I want you,” I said. “If you’re mad…take it out on me…make love to me.”
He spoke against my skin. “I don’t know if you can handle me…the way I’m feeling right now.”
I tore the towel from in between us, throwing it on the ground. That triggered a visceral reaction in him, and he began to suck on my neck hard as he pulled my hair back roughly. My full breasts tingled, a reminder that I needed to wake A.J., but I couldn’t move from this spot. My nipples hardened, and when milk began to trickle out, Jake sucked the excess out of each breast. It was the first time he had ever done that. The sensation of his hot mouth sucking the milk out of me while he moaned, drove me mad. I almost came and could feel liquid pooling between my legs. I couldn’t ever remember being that turned on by anything in my life and felt like I couldn’t see straight.
His mouth then moved down to my abdomen as he dropped to his knees. He knew I was most self-conscious about my stomach. When he felt me tense up, he kissed it harder, grazing it with his teeth, unwavering in his determination to stake his claim on that part of my body, despite my insecurities.