Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Nina let out a deep breath. I stopped talking for a few seconds to let her process what I had told her so far. She finally whispered, “Jake…I—”
“Please…don’t say anything yet. I need to finish this.”
She nodded.
“I was scared shitless those first couple of years, but over time, it just became my normal. The way I saw it, I had made my bed, and I had to lie in it. I convinced myself that I could handle it. I was just a 20-year-old. Twenty fucking years old and I was taking care of my mentally ill wife. After those first two years, our relationship changed. It became less like husband and wife and more like brother and sister. We haven’t been intimate since she moved to the group home over four years ago. Even in the months before that, it was almost non-existent, and when it happened, it didn’t even feel right anymore. I was celibate for a long time. Then, a couple of years ago, I started seeking out women I knew I could use as an escape with no strings. I had needs, and I was so fucking lonely.”
“Women like Desiree,” she whispered.
I nodded.
“I had accepted that fate. My life was all planned out, and that was it. I’d stay legally married to Ivy so she could have my benefits and so I could look out for her, and the rest of my life would be separate. I was basically dead inside…until you.”
She turned to me. “What happened the other night…when you had to go to Boston?”
“They thought she tried to kill herself. They found her on the roof. No one knows what really happened.”
Nina closed her eyes as if my words hurt. “So, you were going to tell me all of this the night we—”
“Yes. Yes, Nina. I was going to tell you everything and hope that by some miracle, you’d still want to be with me.”
She walked over and sat next to me on the bed. I inhaled her vanilla scent. I wanted to hold her so badly and bury my nose in her hair but held back, unsure of where things stood. She reached for my hand and squeezed it and my body relaxed. We just sat like that for minutes. My heart was breaking with each second that passed. The silence was killing me. “Nina, talk to me,” I finally said, my voice hoarse.
“I don’t know what to say, Jake. I am so confused right now. I spent the past few hours filled with hate toward you. I thought you were sneaking around on your wife with me. I never wanted to see you again. And now…I don’t know what to feel. This was a lot to take in.”
I shook my head in understanding, but inside, I was shitting a brick. I don’t know what other kind of reaction I expected.
What I wanted to say was, “you said you’d never leave me.” What I actually said was, “I know this is a shock and can only imagine how you feel. You need to know how much I love you and how you’ve changed my life.”
Her eyes were watering again. “Are you going to stay married to her?”
“I never planned to divorce her because I never planned to fall in love with someone. I don’t know what would happen to her if we weren’t legally married, what rights I’d have when it came to her care. I still have to do a lot of research before I cut those ties legally. I would never be able to abandon her, Nina. She’s always going to be a part of my life. But if divorcing her is a condition of being with you, then I am telling you right here and now that I will do it.”
“I would never expect you to abandon her, Jake. That’s horrible. I hope you didn’t think that’s what I meant when I asked if you were going to stay married.”
Thank God.
“I didn’t think that. I am glad you understand.”
She continued. “But I just can’t be with you if you are married. I can’t sleep with a married man.”
Fuck. Where was this going?
“I don’t consider myself committed to her in that way anymore. There would be no marriage if it weren’t for my wanting to be able to make sure she is cared for. I can understand your point, though. I am still legally married to someone else.”
Just be with me, Nina.
She let out a deep sigh. “Daria asked me to move in with her. This is an extra room, and she had been looking for a roommate anyway. I think it’s best if we live apart while we try to figure things out.”
No. I can’t fucking live without you.
“Okay. If that’s what you need.”
It felt like I was losing her.
“I am still in shock, okay? I need some time to let this set in.”