Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 123877 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 619(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 123877 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 619(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
What an utterly normal night to have shared a pizza together, along with a fifteen-dollar bottle of wine. Laughing and just enjoying the other’s company. Beckett was so intuitive. A true gentleman, giving Julian the space he needed even though he could tell Beckett was really into him. The man was a saint. So utterly classy.
Had Julian ever done something this basic in his life? And enjoyed it so much? He couldn’t remember a time if he had. As a younger person, Julian was too rebellious to relish a moment like this. He grew up way too fast, but it sure as hell hadn’t felt wrong at the time.
Once he’d gotten out on his own, lived his life on his terms, he’d been content in his life, perhaps as content as he felt right now. What did that mean? Julian’s mind raced. He couldn’t quite process the confusion of such conflicting thoughts, bringing on a newfound uncertainty, but what the fuck was he unsure about?
Today was a good day. Julian had conquered one of his biggest fears. The grin he tried hard to hide couldn’t be contained, and he bent his head, not wanting Beckett to see he wasn’t fully paying attention to the show. If Beckett thought Julian wasn’t interested, he’d insist on turning off the movie. Then there’d be a thirty-minute discussion about watching something Julian would rather see. No one had time for that. It would disrupt their snuggling time—the part of this whole night that Julian liked the most.
Beckett was right. The one thing Julian didn’t have any control over was his own desire. He hadn’t lied about that. An aroused Beckett wasn’t some big accomplishment on Julian’s part. He had never failed to entice a potential lover. Most men had thought of him as attractive, and he’d always used that along with his clever wit to get what he wanted.
The value Julian had placed on his looks was solely based on making a living. Julian was as comfortable in his clothes as he was out of them. Well, at least before the accident. He had happily coasted through life on something as superficial as his good looks. Life had been made much easier before all this scarring littered his body.
Based on Beckett’s reaction, he’d worried about that for nothing. Maybe he couldn’t entice the top one percent to take him on as an escort, but wealthy men of Beckett’s stature could easily be added to his list of clients.
His smile faded as he realized the direction of his thoughts.
Julian had never wanted his current life. His most secret desire was to be the man he used to be.
“What’s going on?” Beckett asked, moving the shoulder Julian rested his head on to help gain his attention. Julian let his hand trail back up those tight stomach muscles and schooled his features, trying for passive interest in the television show before he looked up at Beckett.
“What do you mean?” Julian asked, lifting an eyebrow. “I’m watching this entertaining show you chose.”
The teasing worked. But Beckett lifted a challenging brow of his own. “Then what just happened?”
Of course, Julian had no idea. He’d stopped paying attention during the introduction. Instead of admitting he’d lied, he aimed for super vague. “There’s this one dude that was talking to another dude.”
Beckett’s lips quirked up in the corners. “Just so you know, you’re a terrible liar. I meant, why did your body tense?”
Of course, the survivalist picked up all the minuscule details of every increase in heartbeat and shift of Julian’s body. Julian raised one brow higher as the other lowered. He stared at the man, taking everything about Beckett into his heart. Beckett was such a handsome man. How he’d ever thought him old was beyond Julian. He made Julian feel whole and safe again. Beckett allowed him to let go of his fear and live.
The realization added another layer to Julian’s deep self-awakening. Julian hadn’t been nude in front of anyone for so long. He hadn’t even considered the risk involved. That’s how safe Beckett made him feel. With little thought to the consequences, Julian had disrobed, positioned himself under the spray of warm water, and posed with the most prominent scars on the left side of his body on full display. Then he’d coaxed Beckett into the room.
“What’s going on, Julian?” Beckett asked, his look turning serious. He reached for the remote control to pause the show.
“Did you notice the scars on my body when you saw me naked?” Julian asked directly, all pretenses gone. If this weren’t so important, Julian might have laughed at the comical display of Beckett’s facial features as he searched for his answer and settled on a single nod. “What did you really think of them?”
That answer seemed easier for Beckett. “Your scars prove just how strong you truly are. I don’t like what caused them. I hate that you were physically hurt. But what I hate even more is the insecurity and doubt you’re living with because of those scars. You’re more than your looks, Julian.”