Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 67905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 226(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 226(@300wpm)
It took several seconds for me to understand the meaning behind her words. “There’s nothing to interfere with.” The women I bedded were whores, so it was sex without an ounce of intimacy. Andrea had become too attached, so I’d had to drop her and find a replacement. All my physical needs had evaporated once Scarlett told me about Astrid’s situation. I had far too much sorrow in my heart to make room for anything else, let alone sex.
“I assumed you had someone since I haven’t seen you.”
“You haven’t seen me because I assumed you wanted space.” And because I was a fucking coward who couldn’t face the rubble of my destruction.
A sad smile moved on to her lips. “I’ve had plenty of space. These past few days have been spent convincing myself that this is real, that I’m my own person again. When I was stuck with him, I felt lonelier than I do now. Whether I was in his company or in a room full of people, I felt like I was stranded on Mars.”
This is the stuff I didn’t want to hear. It hurt so fucking much.
She caught my pained reaction. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“You aren’t responsible for this, Theo. Please give yourself some grace.”
“I deserve neither forgiveness nor grace.”
“I could have tried harder—”
“Don’t.” I looked at the window because it was too hard to look at her face. The memory of her bruises made me sick. “Scarlett wants to know if you’re accepting company.”
Her eyes softened. “That’s sweet of her.”
“Axel is a lucky man.”
“She’s lucky too. He adores her.”
“He’s the kind of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve.”
“But I have a feeling he didn’t have a heart to wear before Scarlett.”
I didn’t tell her he used to be married. I’d never liked his wife, and he definitely hadn’t loved her the way he loved Scarlett. The difference was dawn and dusk. “I’d love to see her. But I’d love to see you too…if you’re willing to accept my company.” Her eyes flicked away as she shielded her vulnerability. Her throat shifted with her swallow.
I let the silence pass as I tried to find an answer. Words were like clouds, sky-high and impossible for me to reach. Even if I grabbed one, it would probably disintegrate in my closed fist.
So much time passed that she stopped waiting. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“You don’t have to explain—”
“I’m not ready to listen to it.”
Her eyes came back to me.
“I just can’t…”
“Theo, you aren’t responsible. Stop carrying this burden.”
“I don’t want to hear how he hurt you. I can’t fucking listen to it.” Every word would feel like a blade shoved underneath my fingernails. It wouldn’t kill me, but it would make me wish I were dead. Knowing she’d suffered while I suffered her absence just made it more unbearable.
“I understand,” she said gently. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
I looked away and focused on the window. “Yes, we do. But I’m just not ready.”
She continued to stare at my face as I avoided her eyes.
I already knew the beginning and end of her story, but I feared all the pages in the middle, the ink that ran red with spilled blood.
“I understand.”
Silence fell between us as I stared out the window. I used to believe only guns and knives could inflict pain, but I realized words were far more deadly. They passed right through a bulletproof vest and hit you straight in the heart.
“I’ve missed you so much.”
My eyes flicked back to hers.
“I’ve missed you every day since the moment we met.”
19
ASTRID
When Scarlett saw me, she enveloped me in a big hug. The kind of hug you only received from your mother. Full of warmth from summer sunshine and unconditional affection, it was love in its purest form.
I held on to her and enjoyed every second until it was taken from me.
Her eyes were as pure as diamonds. “You doing okay?”
I nodded. “I’m happy but miserable at the same time. It doesn’t switch back and forth. I feel them both simultaneously, all the time. I know that doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes sense to me.” She squeezed my hands then headed to the study.
Theo’s butler had tea sandwiches on a tray, along with a couple bottles of wine. I loved the food here, but I wasn’t hungry at the moment, my stomach bubbling with anxiety.
I sat on the couch, and she took the armchair. She didn’t reach for the food, but she poured two glasses of wine.
My heart felt heavy in anticipation of the interrogation.
Scarlett took a drink of her wine then put one of the sandwiches on a plate. She crossed her legs and took a bite, examining it with her taste buds.
“How’s Axel?”
“He’s good. He’s with the kids.”
I smiled. “He seems like a good father.”