Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“Then what is it?” His arms crossed over his chest. “It’s normal to get cold feet. I mean, I didn’t have cold feet, but other people do.”
“It’s not cold feet.”
“Then what is it?”
I stared at myself in the mirror. “I feel like a jackass.”
“Why?”
“I haven’t changed my mind about…you know.”
Axel gave a slow nod in acknowledgment.
“And I know that’s what she wants.” She’d never brought it up again. But I saw the way her eyes softened when she looked at Axel’s kids. I saw the unfulfilled desire. I saw my shadow as her obstacle.
“Then give it to her.”
“I don’t want kids, Axel.”
“You said you didn’t want them because of your life in the game. Well, that’s behind you.”
It was too complicated to share with Axel as we stood in our tuxes, just minutes before I walked down the aisle to marry Astrid.
Axel didn’t press me on it. “I know this isn’t the most romantic conversation in the world, but maybe you should talk to Astrid about this.”
“Now?”
“Yeah. I can tell it’s weighing on you.”
I wanted her to make sure she was sure, that she could live a life without children, that she could accept me. “I told her I would consider having them if she considered not having them, but I don’t feel like I’m upholding my end of the deal.”
“Then uphold your end. Consider it.”
“I don’t know…”
“What are you afraid of, Theo?”
My eyes shifted away.
“Talk to her.”
I knocked on the door to her dressing room before I opened the door.
She was in a tight white dress, a sleeveless gown that hugged her petite frame and put her tits right on display. Her hair was curled and pinned to one side, her makeup light instead of overdone.
She gave a small gasp when she saw my reflection in the mirror. “Theo…is everything okay?”
I closed the door behind me and approached her, looking her up and down, unable to believe that she would be my wife, because she was so fucking perfect. Not just on the outside…but fucking gorgeous on the inside. Her goodness shone in her eyes like stars in the heavens. “Everything is fine, but I wanted to talk to you.”
She turned around to face me directly. “Then, everything is not fine.”
“Astrid.” I came closer, making sure not to touch her even though I desperately wanted to… in case this didn’t work. “I just think we should talk about this one last time before we do this.”
“Talk about what?” Her eyes shifted back and forth between mine in alarm.
“I told you I would consider having a family, but I just don’t see it. And the last thing I want is for you to regret another marriage.” I shouldn’t have waited until this moment to do this. But I’d never been the type to confront my emotions until I had to.
The alarm quickly left her face when she realized I hadn’t gotten cold feet. “Why don’t you see it?”
I gave a slight shake of my head. “I just don’t.”
“You’ve barely been out of the game for a year.”
“It has nothing to do with that.”
“Then tell me what it does have to do with.” She didn’t seem angry. Just relieved that I didn’t have anything worse to say. She was patient and understanding, even though she was the one who wasn’t getting her way.
“I’ve never told anyone this, but…I was an unwanted child.”
Her face slowly sank into sadness.
“Killian and I both were, obviously. My parents wanted it just to be them, but a drunken night resulted in a set of twins that even the best parent couldn’t handle. I overheard a conversation I wasn’t supposed to hear when I was a kid, and I think that contributed to my wildness and my recklessness. I never told Killian, but I think he figured it out on his own. I already knew my parents didn’t love me, so I gave them even more reasons not to.”
“Theo…”
I felt no sadness. Felt no tears. It wasn’t a part of my life anymore. “I’m a grown-ass man now and couldn’t care less that they didn’t want me.”
“But I think you do care…if you’re bringing it up now.”
“I mention it because it does matter. I don’t know what a normal family looks like. I don’t know how to show love. And the last thing I want is to be my parents…to have a child and not want them as much as I was unwanted.” It was a truth that followed me around like a cloud. It was the reason I’d become the Skull King, because I had the sociopathic traits that made it easy not to care about the people I tore down. “I’m not sure if that’s ever going to change, Astrid. I just wanted you to know all the facts before you decide to be with me.”