Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 91238 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91238 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
He laughs and kisses my neck and chest. “Admit it. No other man could satisfy you.”
“I’m sure there are other perfectly adequate penises out there. I just haven’t had any inside of me, okay?”
He growls, clearly happy with this bit of information. I really wish I hadn’t said anything.
It’s really not like I’ve been saving myself. Rinaldo women do have certain expectations—purity, chastity, that sort of old-world bullshit—and yes, that definitely influenced some of my decisions.
But mostly it never felt right.
What I had with Gian changed me. I got a taste of what it’s like to sleep with a man I really, really wanted, more than anything in the world, and I haven’t been able to forget it. While I haven’t been waiting for him, I have been waiting for that feeling.
And it never came. Not in ten years of trying. I’ve gotten close a few times, but I always backed off. I never had that feeling. That heady, dizzy, crazy, chest-bursting, stomach-lurching excitement that I felt every time with Gian.
The feeling I’ve had ever since he came back into my life.
“I’d be more than happy to provide you with my very much above average penis for as long as you’d like it,” he whispers, kissing my breasts.
I push him back, shaking my head. “Yes, you have a very stupendous cock, but don’t get any ideas. It’s not like I want it to be you, okay?”
He pauses, lips turning down. “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did and now I want to understand what you mean.”
“It’s just—” I pull away, yanking the covers up over my naked body, feeling very exposed. “I tried, okay? I tried a bunch of other guys and wanted to do it, but I never could. Then you waltz back into my life, the asshole that broke my heart—”
“For a very good, unselfish reason,” he mutters.
“—that broke my heart for a stupid reason without even consulting me,” I amend, glaring. “And it works. It just works. I don’t understand it.”
He’s quiet for a moment. Watching me, expression unreadable. I wish I could do that Harry Potter thing and blink out of existence and appear somewhere else, or turn into some smoke and fly around like in the movies, but unfortunately, I’m stuck in this bed feeling very exposed and stupid.
“It never worked for me, either,” he says.
“Sorry, what now?”
“I fucked other women. Don’t misunderstand me.”
“Great, thank you for that.”
His lips tug into a small smile. “But it never felt right. It was like… jerking off.”
“Gross. Seriously, Gian?”
“I was only ever with women who wanted something from me. Money, power, status, often just the sex. But there was never that spark like we had.” He pauses, head tilting to the side. “Like we still have.”
“You’re getting ideas. I don’t like it.”
“There’s a reason I took you from Saul. When it was Renzo, I could make excuses. He’s the Don, he’s in charge, but I couldn’t stand seeing you get passed to another one of my brothers. You deserved better. You deserve everything.”
“Gian—”
“I made a deal with you and I will uphold the bargain. But in the meantime, if we want to enjoy being together, there’s no harm in that.”
I shift to the edge of the bed and quickly get up. I feel him staring at my naked body as I grab clothes from the dresser and pull them on. He doesn’t try to stop me.
“The harm is we’re complicating things.”
“No, you’re complicating. I think this is simple.”
“There’s nothing simple here. You broke my heart. You came back and made me an offer. End of story.”
“Actually, we’re mid-story. We have a very long story ahead of us.”
“No. End.” I look at him and it kills me. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. Like I want him so badly but can’t bring myself to trust that he won’t run away the second he gets what he wants.
And he so clearly wants me. It’s painful, and exciting, and I don’t know what to do.
“Come back to bed.”
“I’m going to take a shower.” I walk toward the bathroom, ready to put some distance between us. I need to think about this conversation. He’s not even trying to pretend like he doesn’t want me anymore. It’s clear in everything he does.
“I like the pillows,” he says as I’m closing the door.
That makes me pause. I peer out at him. “What now?”
“The pillows you got for downstairs. The throw pillows you agonized over. I like them.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Really.”
“Well, good. That’s good.”
“I think you should get a job.”
I burst out laughing. “What the hell? Are you just throwing everything out at me right now?”
“Yes. But I really do think you should go back to work.”
“Do we need the money that badly?”
He smirks and shakes his head. “No, I just like the idea of you wearing pencil skirts and button-downs.”