Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Or ever.
We can’t share comfort, emotion, or life without ruining what just happened.
A hug from my best friend, a deal well made, with no thought we’d ever betray each other.
CHAPTER
TWELVE
Lauren
I sit in the yard, my notebook open in my lap, watching as the moonlight shimmers in the pool of water. It’s been a day since Silas’ tattoo session, a day since Dad and Silas had some crazy meeting with their new company.
I’ve spent today with three different clients, feeling like a proper tattoo artist, and I’m starting to be able to extend my focus for longer periods of time.
It’s easier when I have to stare obsessively at my work, so I don’t stare obsessively at Silas.
In my thoughts, he’s always there, tempting.
But he hasn’t contacted me, and I’m not sure it’s right for me to reach out to him. I can’t keep doing this, the hot and cold, but after the Vanessa argument, I’m wondering if we should stick to cold.
The notion causes my insides to twist, as though my core is telling me no. I can’t ever give up on Silas.
But then the reason for giving up on him – Dad – walks over, hands in his pockets. He’s got a big smile on his face this evening, far bigger than I’ve seen since the deal started.
“Somebody’s happy,” I comment, closing my notebook so Dad doesn’t see Silas’ name.
It’s a habit I thought I’d broken. It’s so immature.
But it feels good to write it sometimes.
“The deal’s almost closed. I was thinking of taking a skiing trip with Silas once it goes through.”
I freeze at the mention of his name.
“Maybe not right away. Did you want to come? Jimmy will have school, but we could hit the slopes together. Or you could drink hot cocoa and draw and get inspiration.”
I rub my cheeks as I turn my face away. I’m glad it’s dark, so he can’t see the tears. I quickly get them under control.
“Yeah, that could be really good, Dad.”
“I thought maybe we’d…I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”
I sit up, knowing I can’t put myself first here. It’s rare Dad seems like he wants to talk about his emotions. Even if the topic stings me or Silas’ name runs through me with hot compulsion, I want to be there for Dad.
“It does,” I tell him.
“It’s kind of sappy,” Dad says, sitting on the chair next to me.
“That’s all right. I can take it.”
He grins at my tone, then sighs. “I thought maybe Silas and I were drifting apart. But after the meeting yesterday, it was like all the years apart drifted away. We were those two young men again, fighting to make something special, you know?”
I reach over, hugging his arm and laying my cheek against him. “Yeah, Dad, I know. That’s awesome.”
So that seals it. It has to.
The little hearts around Silas’ name don’t matter.
He’ll have to find somebody else to finish the tattoo. We have to end this.
Back to the status quo like it never happened.
Three days pass, each of them feeling longer and more painful. I try not to let thoughts of Silas catch up with me, especially since business is picking up and my client base is spreading.
My days have been busy though. I feel proud I’ll be able to pay toward the household expenses.
Dad always tells me I don’t need to. “I’ll just give it all back to you when you move out.”
I love the smile on his face. “You do that if you want. But at least paying bills won’t be a shock.”
These are the memories I try to cling to as I travel from client to client, sketch, or go to a movie with my friend.
All the little moments we’ve shared.
All the reasons it’s a good thing Silas hasn’t reached out to me.
“What’d you think?”
Jimmy pushes his drawing across the coffee table, jolting me from my thoughts.
I’m sitting on the floor, the TV playing quietly from the corner of the room, Jimmy crossed-legged opposite me.
I look down at his picture. “This is really good. You’ve made Thor seem very realistic.”
“This. Is. Really. Good.” Jimmy does a robot voice. “Thor. Very. Real.”
I roll my eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He aims a little-brother grin at me. “What’s up with you? You’re acting weird.”
“I’m just tired,” I tell him.
“You can talk to me, sis,” he says.
“Not about some stuff, I can’t,” I tell him.
“Is it boyfriend stuff?”
I fold my arms, sitting back. “I haven’t got a boyfriend.”
“Have you got a maybe boyfriend? That’s what that guy says on the TV. Remember? A maybe boyfriend?”
I could tell him I’ve got a definitely boyfriend…as in I’d definitely wreck all our lives if he ever became that. Dad would hate me, which would cause a rift between Mom and me and Jimmy. And Dad would hate Silas, wrecking the business and affecting Dad’s income.