Total pages in book: 162
Estimated words: 162567 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 813(@200wpm)___ 650(@250wpm)___ 542(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 162567 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 813(@200wpm)___ 650(@250wpm)___ 542(@300wpm)
Imagining.
Why is it so dang hot in here? I take off my baseball cap, shoving the thing in my back pocket.
Banks speaks, his voice deep and almost as raspy as hers. “I want what you want, Sulli—you know I do.”
“I know, Banks.” Her voice cracks a little. Before I chime in, she looks to me. “I know you do too, Kits.”
I can barely nod. My neck is tensed. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose the three of us. I push back my hair a few times, but the black strands continue to fall into my eyelashes.
Need to cut my hair.
Such an unhelpful fudging thought.
“Why do you think it’s one?” Banks asks. “A mistake?”
“There couldn’t be a worse time, could there? I’m on international news swimming for Team USA. The world is watching me closer than ever.” She springs off the yoga ball, then tucks her arms around her athletic frame.
I try to take a step forward.
She takes a step back, then rotates slightly away from us. Head hung. My pulse ascends. And a rock is in my ribcage.
“Sul—”
“Why do I feel fucking ashamed?” she asks, voice trembling.
“Because the world is dog crap. Because this wasn’t planned. Because people will have nasty opinions, but at the end of the day, you need to remember something, Lady Meadows.” I try to smile to bring one out of her.
She fights to lift her lips. “What?”
“Banks and I love you. Adore you. Would kneel at your feet and worship you.” I actually drop to my knees at our girlfriend’s feet.
Banks, with a shadow of a smile, follows suit.
Sulli chokes on a surprised sound, sniffing back emotion. “Stop.” She smiles. “Get up.”
We don’t, but Banks lifts one knee and rests his elbow on his thigh. He catches his hand into hers. “What happened came from an act of love, planned or not—and fuck anyone who says it didn’t.”
Her chin quakes. “Fuck…I didn’t realize…” She wipes her glassy eyes. “I really needed to hear that.” As we pick ourselves up to our feet, Sulli questions, “You guys don’t think it’s bad timing?”
Banks raises his shoulder. “The Olympics aren’t that long, mermaid. Two weeks and we’ll be home.”
“It’s a blip,” I agree.
“It’s not a blip to me,” Sulli mutters, staring at the floorboards of the aerobics room. Her green eyes glass again. “And fuck, maybe it’s not just the bad timing, okay? Maybe it’s more.”
Banks frowns. “What do you mean?”
My eyes burn.
She looks between us, scared. Unsure. “Is it even fair to bring a baby into our world? I had a gun pointed at me not that long ago.” Her voice breaks. “I don’t want…what if that happens to them? What if our kid is scared to go outside like Xander? What if the world hates them before they have a chance to even be someone? What if they’re bullied because we’re in a poly relationship? What if they wished we made the decision to not have them at all?”
She’s crying.
My heart is twisted in knots. Before she buries her face in her hands, Banks and I rush forward, and he slides an arm around her shoulders. I hug Sulli around her waist.
She clings to my shirt, his shirt. And her forehead touches Banks’ chest. He rubs the back of her head, and while her tears slow, I exchange concern with him.
We should’ve expected Sulli to be questioning everything. But for some reason, we thought she’d be solidified on a decision.
“Hey, Sul,” I breathe, “I wish I had the answers, but I just have what you and Banks have given me.”
She catches her breath, then looks up. “And what’s that, Kits?”
“Hope.” My gaze stings. “You both believed our love could withstand the danger, the uncertainty, the change, any pain, and so why can’t our kid withstand the same?” I lift her chin.
Banks thumbs away a tear on her cheek.
She thinks, her breath coming shallow.
“You grew up famous,” Banks reminds her. “I’d say you turned out okay.”
“But my parents weren’t in an unconventional romance…” she trails off, contemplating her past. Her parents had an age gap. They dealt with rumors. Lies. Headlines. Paparazzi. Hecklers. And they still chose to have Sulli and Winona. “I don’t want the media to dictate my life.” Her voice shakes a little. “I fucking don’t. We haven’t let them yet.”
I exhale a single breath.
We’re reaching a better place.
Banks nods. “Amen to that.”
Sulli lets go of our shirts. Hands on her head, winded. “What if I’m a bad mom? I’m not like Jane—”
“You don’t have to be Janie to be a good mom,” Banks assures. “Just like I know I don’t have to be Thatcher to be a good dad.” He cocks his head. “I just have to not be like my father.”
I make a face. “And I have to figure out how to live up to mine.” Impossible.