Total pages in book: 247
Estimated words: 234281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1171(@200wpm)___ 937(@250wpm)___ 781(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 234281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1171(@200wpm)___ 937(@250wpm)___ 781(@300wpm)
Fear. Helplessness. Despair.
But none of it was as terrifying as the hope that had started to flicker, and he was now internally scrambling to extinguish.
Because of her, he was weak again, and the truth made him furious. With her. With himself. With the whole fucking world. Damn her. Goddamn her for making him weak and forcing his hand.
Goddamn her for leaving him no choice, with only one way for him to be strong again.
Her
DIANA WAS FINDING IT impossible to breathe and not scream.
Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?
(My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)
They were one of Jesus' last words on the cross, and she could practically see her guardian saint frowning in silent censure, could practically hear him reproach her for making light of the Son of God's suffering by comparing her predicament to His.
Everything that was happening now was her doing, not God's, Saint M lectured her. It was your decision to play deaf to the voice of reason. Your decision to come here despite knowing you're not ready. Your decision.
And so it was, hence this blurry world of anguish and desolation, with her nerves stretched so tautly she was terrified just meeting the professor's eyes would break her.
Coming here was such a big mistake.
She knew that now.
And yet Diana was unable to make herself leave, unable to even take her eyes off the professor despite the worrying impact of his presence, her body stirring in awareness even as her heart cracked into pieces.
She watched the professor remove his trench coat, and the whole thing just made her recall the impressive breadth of his shoulders. She watched him drape the coat over the back of his seat, and God, oh God, it only had the most foolish part of her dwelling at the graceful efficiency in his movements.
It was just crazy how she couldn't stop obsessing over every little thing he did.
Just so frighteningly crazy how the knowledge that he was a first-rate scoundrel still wasn't enough to break his spell on her.
Just so crazy...that when the professor finally began speaking, Diana automatically ducked her head, not wanting to risk meeting his gaze.
"Before we proceed to hearing out your proposals, I'd like to hear your thoughts on what this class is supposed to achieve."
Diana kept her head bowed, her only concern to get through class without embarrassing herself by bursting into tears.
Meanwhile, the redhead seated next to her - Pepper, with the pointy orchid-colored nails - quickly raised her hand and tossed her hair over her shoulder when the professor nodded for her to speak.
"It's to emphasize the need for and benefits of breakthrough discoveries for smaller groups rather than focusing on treating the human population as a whole," the redhead declared with a kind of confidence that bordered on obnoxious. "For Novel Therapy courses under Professor de Graaf, the demographic we're focusing on are Catholics—-"
"Perfectly elucidated, Ms. Lowell." The professor's firm tone had Pepper reluctantly returning to her seat although she still had a good number of things to say. She even had a quote prepared to end her spiel. A small step for man, a leap for mankind!
Pepper suppressed a sigh.
Oh, what a finale would that have been, if she had just thirty seconds more of limelight.
"In addition to what Ms. Lowell has shared..." It was the professor speaking again, and Diana found herself shrinking back at the sound.
"I'd like to make one other thing clear, for the express purpose of keeping any of us from wasting each other's time."
The deep timbre of his words was more than enough to threaten her equilibrium, and her chest rose and fell at a more rapid fashion as staying calm remained an uphill battle.
Overcome existing and preconceived boundaries...inhibit creative or divergent thinking...impede the potential for growth and advancement...
She strove to concentrate on the professor's words, but they kept going over her head.
Speak and explore ideas freely...no place for snowflakes...won't get anything done if all of us have to waste time tiptoeing...worrying about verbally fragile egos...
Diana noticed a couple of students stiffening in their seats and wondered if she had missed something rather important.
For those inclined to stay in this class, what I can promise you...we will all be bound to observe rules of civility and common courtesy...anyone found guilty of bullying...dealt accordingly."
The sudden sound of clapping around her startled Diana, and she unthinkingly lifted her head in bemusement, all thoughts of clear and present danger forgotten until it was too late.
No, no, no—-
But what was done was done, and what she had been avoiding had happened.
Leonine eyes collided with her gaze, and they were as cold and furious as she dreaded. But more than that was the ruthless contempt which questioned her very existence in the room—-
YOU DON'T FUCKING LEARN, DO YOU?
A choking sound escaped Diana, and silence fell in the room as all eyes turned to her.